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Title: The Garotters

Author: William D. Howells

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Footnotes have been retained because they provide the meanings of Greek names,
terms and ceremonies and explain puns and references otherwise lost in translation.

Occasional Greek words in the footnotes have not been included.

Footnote numbers,
in brackets,
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and each footnote follows immediately the dialogue
to which it refers,
labeled thus:

f[1].

INTRODUCTION
'The Birds'
differs markedly from all the other Comedies of Aristophanes which have come down
to us in subject and general conception.

It is just an extravaganza pure and simple--a graceful,
whimsical theme chosen expressly
for the sake of the opportunities it afforded of bright,
amusing dialogue,
pleasing lyrical interludes,
and charming displays of brilliant stage effects and pretty dresses.

Unlike other plays of the same Author,
there is here apparently no serious political MOTIF underlying the surface burlesque and buffoonery.

Some critics,
it is true,
profess
to find in it a reference
to the unfortunate Sicilian Expedition,
then in progress,
and a prophecy of its failure and the political downfall of Alcibiades.

But as a matter of fact,
the whole thing seems rather an attempt on the dramatist's part
to relieve the overwrought minds of his fellow- citizens,
anxious and discouraged at the unsatisfactory reports from before Syracuse,
by a work conceived in a lighter vein than usual and mainly unconnected
with contemporary realities.

The play was produced in the year 414 B.C.,
just when success or failure in Sicily hung in the balance,
though already the outlook was gloomy,
and many circumstances pointed
to impending disaster.

Moreover,
the public conscience was still shocked and perturbed over the mysterious affair of the mutilation of the Hermae,
which had occurred immediately before the sailing of the fleet,
and strongly suspicious of Alcibiades'
participation in the outrage.

In spite of the inherent charm of the subject,
the splendid outbursts of lyrical poetry in some of the choruses and the beauty of the scenery and costumes,
'The Birds'
failed
to win the first prize.

This was acclaimed
to a play of Aristophanes'
rival,
Amipsias,
the title of which,
'The Comastoe,'
or
'Revellers,'
"seems
to imply that the chief interest was derived from direct allusions
to the outrage above mentioned and
to the individuals suspected
to have been engaged in it."

For this reason,
which militated against its immediate success,
viz.

the absence of direct allusion
to contemporary politics-- there are,
of course,
incidental references here and there
to topics and personages of the day--the play appeals perhaps more than any other of our Author's productions
to the modern reader.

Sparkling wit,
whimsical fancy,
poetic charm,
are of all ages,
and can be appreciated as readily by ourselves as by an Athenian audience of two thousand years ago,
though,
of course,
much is inevitably lost
"without the important adjuncts of music,
scenery,
dresses and what we may call
'spectacle'
generally,
which we know in this instance
to have been on the most magnificent scale."

The plot is this.

Euelpides and Pisthetaerus,
two old Athenians,
disgusted
with the litigiousness,
wrangling and sycophancy of their countrymen,
resolve upon quitting Attica.

Having heard of the fame of Epops
(the hoopoe),
sometime called Tereus,
and now King of the Birds,
they determine,
under the direction of a raven and a jackdaw,
to seek from him and his subject birds a city free from all care and strife."

Arrived at the Palace of Epops,
they knock,
and Trochilus
(the wren),
in a state of great flutter,
as he mistakes them
for fowlers,
opens the door and informs them that his Majesty is asleep.

When he awakes,
the strangers appear before him,
and after listening
to a long and eloquent harangue on the superior attractions of a residence among the birds,
they propose a notable scheme of their own
to further enhance its advantages and definitely secure the sovereignty of the universe now exercised by the gods of Olympus.

The birds are summoned
to meet in general council.

They come flying up from all quarters of the heavens,
and after a brief mis- understanding,
during which they come near tearing the two human envoys
to pieces,
they listen
to the exposition of the latters'
plan.

This is nothing less than the building of a new city,
to be called Nephelococcygia,
or
'Cloud-cuckoo-town,'
between earth and heaven,
to be garrisoned and guarded by the birds in such a way as
to intercept all communication of the gods
with their worshippers on earth.

All steam of sacrifice will be prevented from rising
to Olympus,
and the Immortals will very soon be starved into an acceptance of any terms proposed.

The new Utopia is duly constructed,
and the daring plan
to secure the sovereignty is in a fair way
to succeed.

Meantime various quacks and charlatans,
each
with a special scheme
for improving things,
arrive from earth,
and are one after the other exposed and dismissed.

Presently arrives Prometheus,
who informs Epops of the desperate straits
to which the gods are by this time reduced,
and advises him
to push his claims and demand the hand of Basileia
(Dominion),
the handmaid of Zeus.

Next an embassy from the Olympians appears on the scene,
consisting of Heracles,
Posidon and a god from the savage regions of the Triballians.

After some disputation,
it is agreed that all reasonable demands of the birds are
to be granted,
while Pisthetaerus is
to have Basileia as his bride.

The comedy winds up
with the epithalamium in honour of the nuptials.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE EUELPIDES PISTHETAERUS EPOPS
(the Hoopoe)
TROCHILUS,
Servant
to Epops PHOENICOPTERUS HERALDS A PRIEST A POET A PROPHET METON,
a Geometrician A COMMISSIONER A DEALER IN DECREES IRIS A PARRICIDE CINESIAS,
a Dithyrambic Bard AN INFORMER PROMETHEUS POSIDON TRIBALLUS HERACLES SLAVES OF PISTHETAERUS MESSENGERS CHORUS OF BIRDS SCENE:

A wild,
desolate tract of open country;
broken rocks and brushwood occupy the centre of the stage.

EUELPIDES
(TO HIS JAY)[1] Do you think I should walk straight
for yon tree?

f[1] Euelpides is holding a jay and Pisthetaerus a crow;
they are the guides who are
to lead them
to the kingdom of the birds.

PISTHETAERUS
(TO HIS CROW)
Cursed beast,
what are you croaking
to me?...to retrace my steps?

EUELPIDES Why,
you wretch,
we are wandering at random,
we are exerting ourselves only
to return
to the same spot;
'tis labour lost.

PISTHETAERUS
to think that I should trust
to this crow,
which has made me cover more than a thousand furlongs! EUELPIDES And that I
to this jay,
which has torn every nail from my fingers! PISTHETAERUS If only I knew where we were....

EUELPIDES Could you find your country again from here?

PISTHETAERUS No,
I feel quite sure I could not,
any more than could Execestides[1] find his.

f[1] A stranger who wanted
to pass as an Athenian,
although coming originally
for a far-away barbarian country.

EUELPIDES Oh dear! oh dear! PISTHETAERUS Aye,
aye,
my friend,
'tis indeed the road of
"oh dears"
we are following.

EUELPIDES That Philocrates,
the bird-seller,
played us a scurvy trick,
when he pretended these two guides could help us
to find Tereus,[1] the Epops,
who is a bird,
without being born of one.

He has indeed sold us this jay,
a true son of Tharelides,[2]
for an obolus,
and this crow
for three,
but what can they do?

Why,
nothing whatever but bite and scratch! --What's the matter
with you then,
that you keep opening your beak?

Do you want us
to fling ourselves headlong down these rocks?

There is no road that way.

f[1] A king of Thrace,
a son of Ares,
who married Procne,
the daughter of Pandion,
King of Athens,
whom he had assisted against the Megarians.

He violated his sister-in-law,
Philomela,
and then cut out her tongue;
she nevertheless managed
to convey
to her sister how she had been treated.

They both agreed
to kill Itys,
whom Procne had borne
to Tereus,
and dished up the limbs of his own son
to the father;
at the end of the meal Philomela appeared and threw the child's head upon the table.

Tereus rushed
with drawn sword upon the princesses,
but all the actors in this terrible scene were metamorph[o]sed.

Tereus became an Epops
(hoopoe),
Procne a swallow,
Philomela a nightingale,
and Itys a goldfinch.

According
to Anacreon and Apollodorus it was Procne who became the nightingale and Philomela the swallow,
and this is the version of the tradition followed by Aristophanes.

f[2] An Athenian who had some resemblance
to a jay--so says the scholiast,
at any rate.

PISTHETAERUS Not even the vestige of a track in any direction.

EUELPIDES And what does the crow say about the road
to follow?

PISTHETAERUS By Zeus,
it no longer croaks the same thing it did.

EUELPIDES And which way does it tell us
to go now?

PISTHETAERUS It says that,
by dint of gnawing,
it will devour my fingers.

EUELPIDES What misfortune is ours! we strain every nerve
to get
to the birds,[1] do everything we can
to that end,
and we cannot find our way! Yes,
spectators,
our madness is quite different from that of Sacas.

He is not a citizen,
and would fain be one at any cost;
we,
on the contrary,
born of an honourable tribe and family and living in the midst of our fellow-citizens,
we have fled from our country as hard as ever we could go.

'Tis not that we hate it;
we recognize it
to be great and rich,
likewise that everyone has the right
to ruin himself;
but the crickets only chirrup among the fig-trees
for a month or two,
whereas the Athenians spend their whole lives in chanting forth judgments from their law-courts.[2] That is why we started off
with a basket,
a stew-pot and some myrtle boughs[3] and have come
to seek a quiet country in which
to settle.

We are going
to Tereus,
the Epops,
to learn from him,
whether,
in his aerial flights,
he has noticed some town of this kind.

f[1] Literally,
'to go
to the crows,'
a proverbial expression equivalent
to our
'going
to the devil.'

f[2] They leave Athens because of their hatred of lawsuits and informers;
this is the especial failing of the Athenians satirized in
'The Wasps.'

f[3] Myrtle boughs were used in sacrifices,
and the founding of every colony was started by a sacrifice.

PISTHETAERUS Here! look! EUELPIDES What's the matter?

PISTHETAERUS Why,
the crow has been pointing me
to something up there
for some time now.

EUELPIDES And the jay is also opening its beak and craning its neck
to show me I know not what.

Clearly,
there are some birds about here.

We shall soon know,
if we kick up a noise
to start them.

PISTHETAERUS Do you know what
to do?

Knock your leg against this rock.

EUELPIDES And you your head
to double the noise.

PISTHETAERUS Well then use a stone instead;
take one and hammer
with it.

EUELPIDES Good idea! Ho there,
within! Slave! slave! PISTHETAERUS What's that,
friend! You say,
"slave,"
to summon Epops! It would be much better
to shout,
"Epops,
Epops!"
EUELPIDES Well then,
Epops! Must I knock again?

Epops! TROCHILUS Who's there?

Who calls my master?

PISTHETAERUS Apollo the Deliverer! what an enormous beak![1] f[1] The actors wore masks made
to resemble the birds they were supposed
to represent.

TROCHILUS Good god! they are bird-catchers.

EUELPIDES The mere sight of him petrifies me
with terror.

What a horrible monster.

TROCHILUS Woe
to you! EUELPIDES But we are not men.

TROCHILUS What are you,
then?

EUELPIDES I am the Fearling,
an African bird.

TROCHILUS You talk nonsense.

EUELPIDES Well,
then,
just ask it of my feet.[1] f[1] Fear had had disastrous effects upon Euelpides'
internal economy,
and this his feet evidenced.

TROCHILUS And this other one,
what bird is it?

PISTHETAERUS I?

I am a Cackling,[1] from the land of the pheasants.

f[1] The same mishap had occurred
to Pisthetaerus.

EUELPIDES But you yourself,
in the name of the gods! what animal are you?

TROCHILUS Why,
I am a slave-bird.

EUELPIDES Why,
have you been conquered by a cock?

TROCHILUS No,
but when my master was turned into a peewit,
he begged me
to become a bird too,
to follow and
to serve him.

EUELPIDES Does a bird need a servant,
then?

TROCHILUS
'Tis no doubt because he was a man.

At times he wants
to eat a dish of loach from Phalerum;
I seize my dish and fly
to fetch him some.

Again he wants some pea-soup;
I seize a ladle and a pot and run
to get it.

EUELPIDES This is,
then,
truly a running-bird.[1] Come,
Trochilus,
do us the kindness
to call your master.

f[1] The Greek word
for a wren is derived from the same root as
'to run.'

TROCHILUS Why,
he has just fallen asleep after a feed of myrtle-berries and a few grubs.

EUELPIDES Never mind;
wake him up.

TROCHILUS I an certain he will be angry.

However,
I will wake him
to please you.

PISTHETAERUS You cursed brute! why,
I am almost dead
with terror! EUELPIDES Oh! my god!
'twas sheer fear that made me lose my jay.

PISTHETAERUS Ah! you great coward! were you so frightened that you let go your jay?

EUELPIDES And did you not lose your crow,
when you fell sprawling on the ground?

Pray tell me that.

PISTHETAERUS No,
no.

EUELPIDES Where is it,
then?

PISTHETAERUS It has flown away.

EUELPIDES Then you did not let it go?

Oh! you brave fellow! EPOPS Open the forest,[1] that I may go out! f[1] No doubt there was some scenery
to represent a forest.

Besides,
there is a pun intended.

The words answering for
'forests'
and
'door'
in Greek only differ slightly in sound.

EUELPIDES By Heracles! what a creature! what plumage! What means this triple crest?

EPOPS Who wants me?

EUELPIDES The twelve great gods have used you ill,
meseeMs. EPOPS Are you chaffing me about my feathers?

I have been a man,
strangers.

EUELPIDES
'Tis not you we are jeering at.

EPOPS At what,
then?

EUELPIDES Why,
'tis your beak that looks so odd
to us.

EPOPS This is how Sophocles outrages me in his tragedies.

Know,
I once was Tereus.[1] f[1] Sophocles had written a tragedy about Tereus,
in which,
no doubt,
the king finally appears as a hoopoe.

EUELPIDES You were Tereus,
and what are you now?

a bird or a peacock?[1] f[1] [O]ne would expect the question
to be
"bird or man."

--Are you a peacock?

The hoopoe resembles the peacock inasmuch as both have crests.

EPOPS I am a bird.

EUELPIDES Then where are your feathers?

For I don't see them.

EPOPS They have fallen off.

EUELPIDES Through illness?

EPOPS No.

All birds moult their feathers,
you know,
every winter,
and others grow in their place.

But tell me,
who are you?

EUELPIDES We?

We are mortals.

EPOPS From what country?

EUELPIDES From the land of the beautiful galleys.[1] f[1] Athens.

EPOPS Are you dicasts?[1] f[1] The Athenians were madly addicted
to lawsuits.

(See
'The Wasps.'

)
EUELPIDES No,
if anything,
we are anti-dicasts.

EPOPS Is that kind of seed sown among you?[1] f[1] As much as
to say,
'Then you have such things as anti-dicasts?'
And Euelpides practically replaces,
'Very few.'

EUELPIDES You have
to look hard
to find even a little in our fields.

EPOPS What brings you here?

EUELPIDES We wish
to pay you a visit.

EPOPS What for?

EUELPIDES Because you formerly were a man,
like we are,
formerly you had debts,
as we have,
formerly you did not want
to pay them,
like ourselves;
furthermore,
being turned into a bird,
you have when flying seen all lands and seas.

Thus you have all human knowledge as well as that of birds.

And hence we have come
to you
to beg you
to direct us
to some cosy town,
in which one can repose as if on thick coverlets.

EPOPS And are you looking
for a greater city than Athens?

EUELPIDES No,
not a greater,
but one more pleasant
to dwell in.

EPOPS Then you are looking
for an aristocratic country.

EUELPIDES I?

Not at all! I hold the son of Scellias in horror.[1] f[1] His name was Aristocrates;
he was a general and commanded a fleet sent in aid of Corcyra.

EPOPS But,
after all,
what sort of city would please you best?

EUELPIDES A place where the following would be the most important business transacted.

--Some friend would come knocking at the door quite early in the morning saying,
"By Olympian Zeus,
be at my house early,
as soon as you have bathed,
and bring your children too.

I am giving a nuptial feast,
so don't fail,
or else don't cross my threshold when I am in distress."

EPOPS Ah! that's what may be called being fond of hardships! And what say you?

PISTHETAERUS My tastes are similar.

EPOPS And they are?

PISTHETAERUS I want a town where the father of a handsome lad will stop in the street and say
to me reproachfully as if I had failed him,
"Ah! Is this well done,
Stilbonides! You met my son coming from the bath after the gymnasium and you neither spoke
to him,
nor embraced him,
nor took him
with you,
nor ever once twitched his parts.

Would anyone call you an old friend of mine?"
EPOPS Ah! wag,
I see you are fond of suffering.

But there is a city of delights,
such as you want.

'Tis on the Red Sea.

EUELPIDES Oh,
no.

Not a sea-port,
where some fine morning the Salaminian[1] galley can appear,
bringing a writ-server along.

Have you no Greek town you can propose
to us?

f[1] The State galley,
which carried the officials of the Athenian republic
to their several departments and brought back those whose time had expired;
it was this galley that was sent
to Sicily
to fetch back Alcibiades,
who was accused of sacrilege.

EPOPS Why not choose Lepreum in Elis
for your settlement?

EUELPIDES By Zeus! I could not look at Lepreum without disgust,
because of Melanthius.[1] f[1] A tragic poet,
who was a leper;
there is a play,
of course,
on the word Lepreum.

EPOPS Then,
again,
there is the Opuntian,
where you could live.

EUELPIDES I would not be Opuntian[1]
for a talent.

But come,
what is it like
to live
with the birds?

You should know pretty well.

f[1] An allusion
to Opuntius,
who was one-eyed.

EPOPS Why,
'tis not a disagreeable life.

In the first place,
one has no purse.

EUELPIDES That does away
with much roguery.

EPOPS
for food the gardens yield us white sesame,
myrtle-berries,
poppies and mint.

EUELPIDES Why,
'tis the life of the newly-wed indeed.[1] f[1] The newly-married ate a sesame-cake,
decorated
with garlands of myrtle,
poppies and mint.

PISTHETAERUS Ha! I am beginning
to see a great plan,
which will transfer the supreme power
to the birds,
if you will but take my advice.

EPOPS Take your advice?

In what way?

PISTHETAERUS In what way?

Well,
firstly,
do not fly in all directions
with open beak;
it is not dignified.

Among us,
when we see a thoughtless man,
we ask,
"What sort of bird is this?"
and Teleas answers,
"'Tis a man who has no brain,
a bird that has lost his head,
a creature you cannot catch,
for it never remains in any one place."

EPOPS By Zeus himself! your jest hits the mark.

What then is
to be done?

PISTHETAERUS Found a city.

EPOPS We birds?

But what sort of city should we build?

PISTHETAERUS Oh,
really,
really!
'tis spoken like a fool! Look down.

EPOPS I am looking.

PISTHETAERUS Now look upwards.

EPOPS I am looking.

PISTHETAERUS Turn your head round.

EPOPS Ah!
'twill be pleasant
for me,
if I end in twisting my neck! PISTHETAERUS What have you seen?

EPOPS The clouds and the sky.

PISTHETAERUS Very well! is not this the pole of the birds then?

EPOPS How their pole?

PISTHETAERUS Or,
if you like it,
the land.

And since it turns and passes through the whole universe,
it is called,
'pole.'

[1] If you build and fortify it,
you will turn your pole into a fortified city.[2] In this way you will reign over mankind as you do over the grasshoppers and cause the gods
to die of rabid hunger f[1] From [the word meaning]
'to turn.'

f[2] The Greek words for
'pole'
and
'city'
only differ by a single letter.

EPOPS How so?

PISTHETAERUS The air is
'twixt earth and heaven.

When we want
to go
to Delphi,
we ask the Boeotians[1]
for leave of passage;
in the same way,
when men sacrifice
to the gods,
unless the latter pay you tribute,
you exercise the right of every nation towards strangers and don't allow the smoke of the sacrifices
to pass through your city and territory.

f[1] Boeotia separated Attica from Phocis.

EPOPS By earth! by snares! by network![1] I never heard of anything more cleverly conceived;
and,
if the other birds approve,
I am going
to build the city along
with you.

f[1] He swears by the powers that are
to him dreadful.

PISTHETAERUS Who will explain the matter
to them?

EPOPS You must yourself.

Before I came they were quite ignorant,
but since I have lived
with them I have taught them
to speak.

PISTHETAERUS But how can they be gathered together?

EPOPS Easily.

I will hasten down
to the coppice
to waken my dear Procne![1] as soon as they hear our voices,
they will come
to us hot wing.

f[1] As already stated,
according
to the legend accepted by Aristophanes,
it was Procne who was turned into the nightengale.

PISTHETAERUS My dear bird,
lose no time,
I beg.

Fly at once into the coppice and awaken Procne.

EPOPS Chase off drowsy sleep,
dear companion.

Let the sacred hymn gush from thy divine throat in melodious strains;
roll forth in soft cadence your refreshing melodies
to bewail the fate of Itys,[1] which has been the cause of so many tears
to us both.

Your pure notes rise through the thick leaves of the yew-tree right up
to the throne of Zeus,
where Phoebus listens
to you,
Phoebus
with his golden hair.

And his ivory lyre responds
to your plaintive accents;
he gathers the choir of the gods and from their immortal lips rushes a sacred chant of blessed voices.

(THE FLUTE IS PLAYED BEHIND THE SCENE.)
f[1] The son of Tereus and Procne.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! by Zeus! what a throat that little bird possesses.

He has filled the whole coppice
with honey-sweet melody! EUELPIDES Hush! PISTHETAERUS What's the matter?

EUELPIDES Will you keep silence?

PISTHETAERUS What for?

EUELPIDES Epops is going
to sing again.

EPOPS
(IN THE COPPICE)
Epopoi poi popoi,
epopoi,
popoi,
here,
here,
quick,
quick,
quick,
my comrades in the air;
all you who pillage the fertile lands of the husbandmen,
the numberless tribes who gather and devour the barley seeds,
the swift flying race who sing so sweetly.

And you whose gentle twitter resounds through the fields
with the little cry of tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio;
and you who hop about the branches of the ivy in the gardens;
the mountain birds,
who feed on the wild olive berries or the arbutus,
hurry
to come at my call,
trioto,
trioto,
totobrix;
you also,
who snap up the sharp-stinging gnats in the marshy vales,
and you who dwell in the fine plain of Marathon,
all damp
with dew,
and you,
the francolin
with speckled wings;
you too,
the halcyons,
who flit over the swelling waves of the sea,
come hither
to hear the tidings;
let all the tribes of long-necked birds assemble here;
know that a clever old man has come
to us,
bringing an entirely new idea and proposing great reforMs. Let all come
to the debate here,
here,
here,
here.

Torotorotorotorotix,
kikkobau,
kikkobau,
torotorotorotorolililix.

PISTHETAERUS Can you see any bird?

EUELPIDES By Phoebus,
no! and yet I am straining my eyesight
to scan the sky.

PISTHETAERUS
'Twas really not worth Epops'
while
to go and bury himself in the thicket like a plover when a-hatching.

PHOENICOPTERUS Torotina,
torotina.

PISTHETAERUS Hold,
friend,
here is another bird.

EUELPIDES I'
faith,
yes,
'tis a bird,
but of what kind?

Isn't it a peacock?

PISTHETAERUS Epops will tell us.

What is this bird?

EPOPS
'Tis not one of those you are used
to seeing;
'tis a bird from the marshes.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! oh! but he is very handsome
with his wings as crimson as flame.

EPOPS Undoubtedly;
indeed he is called flamingo.[1] f[1] An African bird,
that comes
to the southern countries of Europe,
to Greece,
Italy,
and Spain;
it is even seen in Provence.

EUELPIDES Hi! I say! You! PISTHETAERUS What are you shouting for?

EUELPIDES Why,
here's another bird.

PISTHETAERUS Aye,
indeed;
'tis a foreign bird too.

What is this bird from beyond the mountains
with a look as solemn as it is stupid?

EPOPS He is called the Mede.[1] f[1] Aristophanes amusingly mixes up real birds
with people and individuals,
whom he represents in the form of birds;
he is personifying the Medians here.

PISTHETAERUS The Mede! But,
by Heracles,
how,
if a Mede,
has he flown here without a camel?

EUELPIDES Here's another bird
with a crest.

PISTHETAERUS Ah! that's curious.

I say,
Epops,
you are not the only one of your kind then?

EPOPS This bird is the son of Philocles,
who is the son of Epops;[1] so that,
you see,
I am his grandfather;
just as one might say,
Hipponicus,[2] the son of Callias,
who is the son of Hipponicus.

f[1] Philocles,
a tragic poet,
had written a tragedy on Tereus,
which was simply a plagiarism of the play of the same name by Sophocles.

Philocles is the son of Epops,
because he got his inspiration from Sophocles'
Tereus,
and at the same time is father
to Epops,
since he himself produced another Tereus.

f[2] This Hipponicus is probably the orator whose ears Alcibiades boxed
to gain a bet;
he was a descendant of Callias,
who was famous
for his hatred of Pisistratus.

PISTHETAERUS Then this bird is Callias! Why,
what a lot of his feathers he has lost![1] f[1] This Callias,
who must not be confounded
with the foe of Pisistratus,
had ruined himself.

EPOPS That's because he is honest;
so the informers set upon him and the women too pluck out his feathers.

PISTHETAERUS By Posidon,
do you see that many-coloured bird?

What is his name?

EPOPS This one?

'Tis the glutton.

PISTHETAERUS Is there another glutton besides Cleonymus?

But why,
if he is Cleonymus,
has he not thrown away his crest?[1] But what is the meaning of all these crests?

Have these birds come
to contend
for the double stadium prize?[2] f[1] Cleonymus had cast away his shield;
he was as great a glutton as he was a coward.

f[2] A race in which the track had
to be circled twice.

EPOPS They are like the Carians,
who cling
to the crests of their mountains
for greater safety.[1] f[1] A people of Asia Minor;
when pursued by the Ionians they took refuge in the mountains.

PISTHETAERUS Oh,
Posidon! do you see what swarms of birds are gathering here?

EUELPIDES By Phoebus! what a cloud! The entrance
to the stage is no longer visible,
so closely do they fly together.

PISTHETAERUS Here is the partridge.

EUELPIDES Faith! there is the francolin.

PISTHETAERUS There is the poachard.

EUELPIDES Here is the kingfisher.

And over yonder?

EPOPS
'Tis the barber.

EUELPIDES What?

a bird a barber?

PISTHETAERUS Why,
Sporgilus is one.[1] Here comes the owl.

f[1] An Athenian barber.

EUELPIDES And who is it brings an owl
to Athens?[1] f[1] The owl was dedicated
to Athene,
and being respected at Athens,
it had greatly multiplied.

Hence the proverb,
'taking owls
to Athens,'
similar
to our English
'taking coals
to Newcastle.'

PISTHETAERUS Here is the magpie,
the turtle-dove,
the swallow,
the horned owl,
the buzzard,
the pigeon,
the falcon,
the ring-dove,
the cuckoo,
the red-foot,
the red-cap,
the purple-cap,
the kestrel,
the diver,
the ousel,
the osprey,
the woodpecker.

EUELPIDES Oh! oh! what a lot of birds! what a quantity of blackbirds! how they scold,
how they come rushing up! What a noise! what a noise! Can they be bearing us ill-will?

Oh! there! there! they are opening their beaks and staring at us.

PISTHETAERUS Why,
so they are.

CHORUS Popopopopopopopoi.

Where is he who called me?

Where am I
to find him?

EPOPS I have been waiting
for you this long while! I never fail in my word
to my friends.

CHORUS Titititititititi.

What good thing have you
to tell me?

EPOPS Something that concerns our common safety,
and that is just as pleasant as it is
to the purpose.

Two men,
who are subtle reasoners,
have come here
to seek me.

CHORUS Where?

What?

What are you saying?

EPOPS I say,
two old men have come from the abode of men
to propose a vast and splendid scheme
to us.

CHORUS Oh!
'tis a horrible,
unheard-of crime! What are you saying?

EPOPS Nay! never let my words scare you.

CHORUS What have you done then?

EPOPS I have welcomed two men,
who wish
to live
with us.

CHORUS And you have dared
to do that! EPOPS Aye,
and am delighted at having done so.

CHORUS Where are they?

EPOPS In your midst,
as I am.

CHORUS Ah! ah! we are betrayed;
'tis sacrilege! Our friend,
he who picked up corn-seeds in the same plains as ourselves,
has violated our ancient laws;
he has broken the oaths that bind all birds;
he has laid a snare
for me,
he has handed us over
to the attacks of that impious race which,
throughout all time,
has never ceased
to war against us.

As
for this traitorous bird,
we will decide his case later,
but the two old men shall be punished forthwith;
we are going
to tear them
to pieces.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis all over
with us.

EUELPIDES You are the sole cause of all our trouble.

Why did you bring me from down yonder?

PISTHETAERUS
to have you
with me.

EUELPIDES Say rather
to have me melt into tears.

PISTHETAERUS Go to! you are talking nonsense.

EUELPIDES How so?

PISTHETAERUS How will you be able
to cry when once your eyes are pecked out?

CHORUS Io! io! forward
to the attack,
throw yourselves upon the foe,
spill his blood;
take
to your wings and surround them on all sides.

Woe
to them! let us get
to work
with our beaks,
let us devour them.

Nothing can save them from our wrath,
neither the mountain forests,
nor the clouds that float in the sky,
nor the foaming deep.

Come,
peck,
tear
to ribbons.

Where is the chief of the cohort?

Let him engage the right wing.

EUELPIDES This is the fatal moment.

Where shall I fly to,
unfortunate wretch that I am?

PISTHETAERUS Stay! stop here! EUELPIDES That they may tear me
to pieces?

PISTHETAERUS And how do you think
to escape them?

EUELPIDES I don't know at all.

PISTHETAERUS Come,
I will tell you.

We must stop and fight them.

Let us arm ourselves
with these stew-pots.

EUELPIDES Why
with the stew-pots?

PISTHETAERUS The owl will not attack us.[1] f[1] An allusion
to the Feast of Pots;
it was kept at Athens on the third day of the Anthesteria,
when all sorts of vegetables were stewed together and offered
for the dead
to Bacchus and Athene.

This Feast was peculiar
to Athens.

--Hence Pisthetaerus thinks that the owl will recognize they are Athenians by seeing the stew-pots,
and as he is an Athenian bird,
he will not attack them.

EUELPIDES But do you see all those hooked claws?

PISTHETAERUS Seize the spit and pierce the foe on your side.

EUELPIDES And how about my eyes?

PISTHETAERUS Protect them
with this dish or this vinegar-pot.

EUELPIDES Oh! what cleverness! what inventive genius! You are a great general,
even greater than Nicias,[1] where stratagem is concerned.

f[1] Nicias,
the famous Athenian general.

--The siege of Melos in 417 B.C.,
or two years previous
to the production of
'The Birds,'
had especially done him great credit.

He was joint commander of the Sicilian expedition.

CHORUS Forward,
forward,
charge
with your beaks! Come,
no delay.

Tear,
pluck,
strike,
flay them,
and first of all smash the stew-pot.

EPOPS Oh,
most cruel of all animals,
why tear these two men
to pieces,
why kill them?

What have they done
to you?

They belong
to the same tribe,
to the same family as my wife.[1] f[1] Procne,
the daughter of Pandion,
King of Athens.

CHORUS Are wolves
to be spared?

Are they not our most mortal foes?

So let us punish them.

EPOPS If they are your foes by nature,
they are your friends in heart,
and they come here
to give you useful advice.

CHORUS Advice or a useful word from their lips,
from them,
the enemies of my forebears! EPOPS The wise can often profit by the lessons of a foe,
for caution is the mother of safety.

'Tis just such a thing as one will not learn from a friend and which an enemy compels you
to know.

To begin with,
'tis the foe and not the friend that taught cities
to build high walls,
to equip long vessels of war;
and
'tis this knowledge that protects our children,
our slaves and our wealth.

CHORUS Well then,
I agree,
let us first hear them,
for
'tis best;
one can even learn something in an enemy's school.

PISTHETAERUS Their wrath seems
to cool.

Draw back a little.

EPOPS
'Tis only justice,
and you will thank me later.

CHORUS Never have we opposed your advice up
to now.

PISTHETAERUS They are in a more peaceful mood;
put down your stew-pot and your two dishes;
spit in hand,
doing duty
for a spear,
let us mount guard inside the camp close
to the pot and watch in our arsenal closely;
for we must not fly.

EUELPIDES You are right.

But where shall we be buried,
if we die?

PISTHETAERUS In the Ceramicus;[1] for,
to get a public funeral,
we shall tell the Strategi that we fell at Orneae,[2] fighting the country's foes.

f[1] A space beyond the walls of Athens which contained the gardens of the Academy and the graves of citizens who had died
for their country.

f[2] A town in Western Argolis,
where the Athenians had been recently defeated.

The somewhat similar work in Greek signifies
'birds.'

CHORUS Return
to your ranks and lay down your courage beside your wrath as the Hoplites do.

Then let us ask these men who they are,
whence they come,
and
with what intent.

Here,
Epops,
answer me.

EPOPS Are you calling me?

What do you want of me?

CHORUS Who are they?

From what country?

EPOPS Strangers,
who have come from Greece,
the land of the wise.

CHORUS And what fate has led them hither
to the land of the birds?

EPOPS Their love
for you and their wish
to share your kind of life;
to dwell and remain
with you always.

CHORUS Indeed,
and what are their plans?

EPOPS They are wonderful,
incredible,
unheard of.

CHORUS Why,
do they think
to see some advantage that determines them
to settle here?

Are they hoping
with our help
to triumph over their foes or
to be useful
to their friends?

EPOPS They speak of benefits so great it is impossible either
to describe or conceive them;
all shall be yours,
all that we see here,
there,
above and below us;
this they vouch for.

CHORUS Are they mad?

EPOPS They are the sanest people in the world.

CHORUS Clever men?

EPOPS The slyest of foxes,
cleverness its very self,
men of the world,
cunning,
the cream of knowing folk.

CHORUS Tell them
to speak and speak quickly;
why,
as I listen
to you,
I am beside myself
with delight.

EPOPS Here,
you there,
take all these weapons and hang them up inside close
to the fire,
near the figure of the god who presides there and under his protection;[1] as
for you,
address the birds,
tell them why I have gathered them together.

f[1] Epops is addressing the two slaves,
no doubt Xanthias and Manes,
who are mentioned later on.

PISTHETAERUS Not I,
by Apollo,
unless they agree
with me as the little ape of an armourer agreed
with his wife,
not
to bite me,
nor pull me by the parts,
nor shove things up my...

CHORUS You mean the...(PUTS FINGER
to BOTTOM)
Oh! be quite at ease.

PISTHETAERUS No,
I mean my eyes.

CHORUS Agreed.

PISTHETAERUS Swear it.

CHORUS I swear it and,
if I keep my promise,
let judges and spectators give me the victory unanimously.

PISTHETAERUS It is a bargain.

CHORUS And if I break my word,
may I succeed by one vote only.

HERALD Hearken,
ye people! Hoplites,
pick up your weapons and return
to your firesides;
do not fail
to read the decrees of dismissal we have posted.

CHORUS Man is a truly cunning creature,
but nevertheless explain.

Perhaps you are going
to show me some good way
to extend my power,
some way that I have not had the wit
to find out and which you have discovered.

Speak!
'tis
to your own interest as well as
to mine,
for if you secure me some advantage,
I will surely share it
with you.

But what object can have induced you
to come among us?

Speak boldly,
for I shall not break the truce,
--until you have told us all.

PISTHETAERUS I am bursting
with desire
to speak;
I have already mixed the dough of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it....

Slave! bring the chaplet and water,
which you must pour over my hands.

Be quick![1] f[1] It was customary,
when speaking in public and also at feasts,
to wear a chaplet;
hence the question Euelpides puts.

--The guests wore chaplets of flowers,
herbs,
and leaves,
which had the property of being refreshing.

EUELPIDES Is it a question of feasting?

What does it all mean?

PISTHETAERUS By Zeus,
no! but I am hunting
for fine,
tasty words
to break down the hardness of their hearts.

--I grieve so much
for you,
who at one time were kings...

CHORUS We kings! Over whom?

PISTHETAERUS ...of all that exists,
firstly of me and of this man,
even of Zeus himself.

Your race is older than Saturn,
the Titans and the Earth.

CHORUS What,
older than the Earth! PISTHETAERUS By Phoebus,
yes.

CHORUS By Zeus,
but I never knew that before! PISTHETAERUS
'Tis because you are ignorant and heedless,
and have never read your Aesop.

'Tis he who tells us that the lark was born before all other creatures,
indeed before the Earth;
his father died of sickness,
but the Earth did not exist then;
he remained unburied
for five days,
when the bird in its dilemma decided,
for want of a better place,
to entomb its father in its own head.

EUELPIDES So that the lark's father is buried at Cephalae.[1] f[1] A deme of Attica.

In Greek the word also means
'heads,'
and hence the pun.

EPOPS Hence,
if we existed before the Earth,
before the gods,
the kingship belongs
to us by right of priority.

EUELPIDES Undoubtedly,
but sharpen your beak well;
Zeus won't be in a hurry
to hand over his sceptre
to the woodpecker.

PISTHETAERUS It was not the gods,
but the birds,
who were formerly the masters and kings over men;
of this I have a thousand proofs.

First of all,
I will point you
to the cock,
who governed the Persians before all other monarchs,
before Darius and Megabyzus.[1]
'Tis in memory of his reign that he is called the Persian bird.

f[1] One of Darius'
best generals.

After his expedition against the Scythians,
this prince gave him the command of the army which he left in Europe.

Megabyzus took Perinthos
(afterwards called Heraclea)
and conquered Thrace.

EUELPIDES
for this reason also,
even to-day,
he alone of all the birds wears his tiara straight on his head,
like the Great King.[1] f[1] All Persians wore the tiara,
but always on one side;
the Great King alone wore it straight on his head.

PISTHETAERUS He was so strong,
so great,
so feared,
that even now,
on account of his ancient power,
everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever he crows at daybreak.

Blacksmiths,
potters,
tanners,
shoemakers,
bathmen,
corn-dealers,
lyre-makers and armourers,
all put on their shoes and go
to work before it is daylight.

EUELPIDES I can tell you something about that.

'Twas the cock's fault that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool.

I was at a feast in town,
given
to celebrate the birth of a child;
I had drunk pretty freely and had just fallen asleep,
when a cock,
I suppose in a greater hurry than the rest,
began
to crow.

I thought it was dawn and set out
for Alimos.[1] I had hardly got beyond the walls,
when a footpad struck me in the back
with his bludgeon;
down I went and wanted
to shout,
but he had already made off
with my mantle.

f[1] Noted as the birthplace of Thucydides,
a deme of Attica of the tribe of Leontis.

Demosthenes tells us it was thirty-five stadia from Athens.

PISTHETAERUS Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks.

EPOPS The Greeks?

PISTHETAERUS And when he was king,
'twas he who first taught them
to fall on their knees before the kites.[1] f[1] The appearance of the kite in Greece betokened the return of springtime;
it was therefore worshipped as a symbol of that season.

EUELPIDES By Zeus!
'tis what I did myself one day on seeing a kite;
but at the moment I was on my knees,
and leaning backwards[1]
with mouth agape,
I bolted an obolus and was forced
to carry my bag home empty.[2] f[1]
to look at the kite,
who no doubt was flying high in the sky.

f[2] As already shown,
the Athenians were addicted
to carrying small coins in their mouths.

--This obolus was
for the purpose of buying flour
to fill the bag he was carrying PISTHETAERUS The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia.

When he called out
"cuckoo,"
all the Phoenicians hurried
to the fields
to reap their wheat and their barley.[1] f[1] In Phoenicia and Egypt the cuckoo makes its appearance about harvest-time.

EUELPIDES Hence no doubt the proverb,
"Cuckoo! cuckoo! go
to the fields,
ye circumcised."

[1] f[1] This was an Egyptian proverb,
meaning,
'When the cuckoo sings we go harvesting.'

Both the Phoenicians and the Egyptians practised circumcision.

PISTHETAERUS So powerful were the birds that the kings of Grecian cities,
Agamemnon,
Menelaus,
for instance,
carried a bird on the tip of their sceptres,
who had his share of all presents.[1] f[1] The staff,
called a sceptre,
generally terminated in a piece of carved work,
representing a flower,
a fruit,
and most often a bird.

EUELPIDES That I didn't know and was much astonished when I saw Priam come upon the stage in the tragedies
with a bird,
which kept watching Lysicrates[1]
to see if he got any present.

f[1] A general accused of treachery.

The bird watches Lysicrates,
because,
according
to Pisthetaerus,
he had a right
to a share of the presents.

PISTHETAERUS But the strongest proof of all is,
that Zeus,
who now reigns,
is represented as standing
with an eagle on his head as a symbol of his royalty;[1] his daughter has an owl,
and Phoebus,
as his servant,
has a hawk.

f[1] It is thus that Phidias represents his Olympian Zeus.

EUELPIDES By Demeter,
'tis well spoken.

But what are all these birds doing in heaven?

PISTHETAERUS When anyone sacrifices and,
according
to the rite,
offers the entrails
to the gods,
these birds take their share before Zeus.

Formerly men always swore by the birds and never by the gods;
even now Lampon[1] swears by the goose,
when he wants
to lie....Thus
'tis clear that you were great and sacred,
but now you are looked upon as slaves,
as fools,
as Helots;
stones are thrown at you as at raving madmen,
even in holy places.

A crowd of bird-catchers sets snares,
traps,
limed-twigs and nets of all sorts
for you;
you are caught,
you are sold in heaps and the buyers finger you over
to be certain you are fat.

Again,
if they would but serve you up simply roasted;
but they rasp cheese into a mixture of oil,
vinegar and laserwort,
to which another sweet and greasy sauce is added,
and the whole is poured scalding hot over your back,
for all the world as if you were diseased meat.

f[1] One of the diviners sent
to Sybaris
(in Magna Graecia,
S.

Italy)
with the Athenian colonists,
who rebuilt the town under the new name of Thurium.

CHORUS Man,
your words have made my heart bleed;
I have groaned over the treachery of our fathers,
who knew not how
to transmit
to us the high rank they held from their forefathers.

But
'tis a benevolent Genius,
a happy Fate,
that sends you
to us;
you shall be our deliverer and I place the destiny of my little ones and my own in your hands
with every confidence.

But hasten
to tell me what must be done;
we should not be worthy
to live,
if we did not seek
to regain our royalty by every possible means.

PISTHETAERUS First I advise that the birds gather together in one city and that they build a wall of great bricks,
like that at Babylon,
round the plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth from heaven.

EPOPS Oh,
Cebriones! oh,
Porphyrion![1] what a terribly strong place! f[1] As if he were saying,
"Oh,
gods!"
Like Lampon,
he swears by the birds,
instead of swearing by the gods.

--The names of these birds are those of two of the Titans.

PISTHETAERUS Th[en],
this being well done and completed,
you demand back the empire from Zeus;
if he will not agree,
if he refuses and does not at once confess himself beaten,
you declare a sacred war against him and forbid the gods henceforward
to pass through your country
with lust,
as hitherto,
for the purpose of fondling their Alcmenas,
their Alopes,
or their Semeles![1] if they try
to pass through,
you infibulate them
with rings so that they can work no longer.

You send another messenger
to mankind,
who will proclaim
to them that the birds are kings,
that
for the future they must first of all sacrifice
to them,
and only afterwards
to the gods;
that it is fitting
to appoint
to each deity the bird that has most in common
with it.

For instance,
are they sacrificing
to Aphrodite,
let them at the same time offer barley
to the coot;
are they immolating a sheep
to Posidon,
let them consecrate wheat in honour of the duck;[2] is a steer being offered
to Heracles,
let honey-cakes be dedicated
to the gull;[3] is a goat being slain
for King Zeus,
there is a King-Bird,
the wren,[4]
to whom the sacrifice of a male gnat is due before Zeus himself even.

f[1] Alcmena,
wife of Amphitryon,
King of Thebes and mother of Heracles.

--Semele,
the daughter of Cadmus and Hermione and mother of Bacchus;
both seduced by Zeus.

--Alope,
daughter of Cercyon,
a robber,
who reigned at Eleusis and was conquered by Perseus.

Alope was honoured
with Posidon's caresses;
by him she had a son named Hippothous,
at first brought up by shepherds but who afterwards was restored
to the throne of his grandfather by Theseus.

f[2] Because water is the duck's domain,
as it is that of Posidon.

f[3] Because the gull,
like Heracles,
is voracious.

f[4] The Germans still call it
'Zaunkonig'
and the French
'roitelet,'
both names thus containing the idea of
'king.'

EUELPIDES This notion of an immolated gnat delights me! And now let the great Zeus thunder! EPOPS But how will mankind recognize us as gods and not as jays?

Us,
who have wings and fly?

PISTHETAERUS You talk rubbish! Hermes is a god and has wings and flies,
and so do many other gods.

First of all,
Victory flies
with golden wings,
Eros is undoubtedly winged too,
and Iris is compared by Homer
to a timorous dove.[1] If men in their blindness do not recognize you as gods and continue
to worship the dwellers in Olympus,
then a cloud of sparrows greedy
for corn must descend upon their fields and eat up all their seeds;
we shall see then if Demeter will mete them out any wheat.

f[1] The scholiast draws our attention
to the fact that Homer says this of Here and not of Iris
(Iliad,
V,
778);
it is only another proof that the text of Homer has reached us in a corrupted form,
or it may be that Aristophanes was liable,
like other people,
to occasional mistakes of quotation.

EUELPIDES By Zeus,
she'll take good care she does not,
and you will see her inventing a thousand excuses.

PISTHETAERUS The crows too will prove your divinity
to them by pecking out the eyes of their flocks and of their draught-oxen;
and then let Apollo cure them,
since he is a physician and is paid
for the purpose.[1] f[1] In sacrifices.

EUELPIDES Oh! don't do that! Wait first until I have sold my two young bullocks.

PISTHETAERUS If on the other hand they recognize that you are God,
the principle of life,
that you are Earth,
Saturn,
Posidon,
they shall be loaded
with benefits.

EPOPS Name me one of these then.

PISTHETAERUS Firstly,
the locusts shall not eat up their vine-blossoms;
a legion of owls and kestrels will devour them.

Moreover,
the gnats and the gall-bugs shall no longer ravage the figs;
a flock of thrushes shall swallow the whole host down
to the very last.

EPOPS And how shall we give wealth
to mankind?

This is their strongest passion.

PISTHETAERUS When they consult the omens,
you will point them
to the richest mines,
you will reveal the paying ventures
to the diviner,
and not another shipwreck will happen or sailor perish.

EPOPS No more shall perish?

How is that?

PISTHETAERUS When the auguries are examined before starting on a voyage,
some bird will not fail
to say,
"Don't start! there will be a storm,"
or else,
"Go! you will make a most profitable venture."

EUELPIDES I shall buy a trading-vessel and go
to sea,
I will not stay
with you.

PISTHETAERUS You will discover treasures
to them,
which were buried in former times,
for you know them.

Do not all men say,
"None knows where my treasure lies,
unless perchance it be some bird."

[1] f[1] An Athenian proverb.

EUELPIDES I shall sell my boat and buy a spade
to unearth the vessels.

EPOPS And how are we
to give them health,
which belongs
to the gods?

PISTHETAERUS If they are happy,
is not that the chief thing towards health?

The miserable man is never well.

EPOPS Old Age also dwells in Olympus.

How will they get at it?

Must they die in early youth?

PISTHETAERUS Why,
the birds,
by Zeus,
will add three hundred years
to their life.

EPOPS From whom will they take them?

PISTHETAERUS From whom?

Why,
from themselves.

Don't you know the cawing crow lives five times as long as a man?

EUELPIDES Ah! ah! these are far better kings
for us than Zeus! PISTHETAERUS Far better,
are they not?

And firstly,
we shall not have
to build them temples of hewn stone,
closed
with gates of gold;
they will dwell amongst the bushes and in the thickets of green oak;
the most venerated of birds will have no other temple than the foliage of the olive tree;
we shall not go
to Delphi or
to Ammon
to sacrifice;[1] but standing erect in the midst of arbutus and wild olives and holding forth our hands filled
with wheat and barley,
we shall pray them
to admit us
to a share of the blessings they enjoy and shall at once obtain them
for a few grains of wheat.

f[1] A celebrated temple
to Zeus in an oasis of Libya.

CHORUS Old man,
whom I detested,
you are now
to me the dearest of all;
never shall I,
if I can help it,
fail
to follow your advice.

Inspirited by your words,
I threaten my rivals the gods,
and I swear that if you march in alliance
with me against the gods and are faithful
to our just,
loyal and sacred bond,
we shall soon have shattered their sceptre.

'Tis our part
to undertake the toil,
'tis yours
to advise.

EPOPS By Zeus!
'tis no longer the time
to delay and loiter like Nicias;[1] let us act as promptly as possible....

In the first place,
come,
enter my nest built of brushwood and blades of straw,
and tell me your names.

f[1] Nicias was commander,
along
with Demosthenes,
and later on Alcibiades,
of the Athenian forces before Syracuse,
in the ill-fated Sicilian Expedition,
415-413 B.C.

He was much blamed
for dilatoriness and indecision.

PISTHETAERUS That is soon done;
my name is Pisthetaerus.

EPOPS And his?

PISTHETAERUS Euelpides,
of the deme of Thria.

EPOPS Good! and good luck
to you.

PISTHETAERUS We accept the omen.

EPOPS Come in here.

PISTHETAERUS Very well,
'tis you who lead us and must introduce us.

EPOPS Come then.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! my god! do come back here.

Hi! tell us how we are
to follow you.

You can fly,
but we cannot.

EPOPS Well,
well.

PISTHETAERUS Remember Aesop's fables.

It is told there,
that the fox fared very ill,
because he had made an alliance
with the eagle.

EPOPS Be at ease.

You shall eat a certain root and wings will grow on your shoulders.

PISTHETAERUS Then let us enter.

Xanthias and Manes,[1] pick up our baggage.

f[1] Servants of Pisthetaerus and Euelpides.

CHORUS Hi! Epops! do you hear me?

EPOPS What's the matter?

CHORUS Take them off
to dine well and call your mate,
the melodious Procne,
whose songs are worthy of the Muses;
she will delight our leisure moments.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! I conjure you,
accede
to their wish;
for this delightful bird will leave her rushes at the sound of your voice;
for the sake of the gods,
let her come here,
so that we may contemplate the nightingale.[1] f[1] It has already been mentioned that,
according
to the legend followed by Aristophanes,
Procne had been changed into a nightingale and Philomela into a swallow.

EPOPS Let is be as you desire.

Come forth,
Procne,
show yourself
to these strangers.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! great Zeus! what a beautiful little bird! what a dainty form! what brilliant plumage![1] f[1] The actor,
representing Procne,
was dressed out as a courtesan,
but wore a mask of a bird.

EUELPIDES Do you know how dearly I should like
to splint her legs
for her?

PISTHETAERUS She is dazzling all over
with gold,
like a young girl.[1] f[1] Young unmarried girls wore golden ornaments;
the apparel of married women was much simpler.

EUELPIDES Oh! how I should like
to kiss her! PISTHETAERUS Why,
wretched man,
she has two little sharp points on her beak! EUELPIDES I would treat her like an egg,
the shell of which we remove before eating it;
I would take off her mask and then kiss her pretty face.

EPOPS Let us go in.

PISTHETAERUS Lead the way,
and may success attend us.

CHORUS Lovable golden bird,
whom I cherish above all others,
you,
whom I associate
with all my songs,
nightingale,
you have come,
you have come,
to show yourself
to me and
to charm me
with your notes.

Come,
you,
who play spring melodies upon the harmonious flute,[1] lead off our anapaests.[2] Weak mortals,
chained
to the earth,
creatures of clay as frail as the foliage of the woods,
you unfortunate race,
whose life is but darkness,
as unreal as a shadow,
the illusion of a dream,
hearken
to us,
who are immortal beings,
ethereal,
ever young and occupied
with eternal thoughts,
for we shall teach you about all celestial matters;
you shall know thoroughly what is the nature of the birds,
what the origin of the gods,
of the rivers,
of Erebus,
and Chaos;
thanks
to us,
even Prodicus[3] will envy you your knowledge.

At the beginning there was only Chaos,
Night,
dark Erebus,
and deep Tartarus.

Earth,
the air and heaven had no existence.

Firstly,
black-winged Night laid a germless egg in the bosom of the infinite deeps of Erebus,
and from this,
after the revolution of long ages,
sprang the graceful Eros
with his glittering golden wings,
swift as the whirlwinds of the tempest.

He mated in deep Tartarus
with dark Chaos,
winged like himself,
and thus hatched forth our race,
which was the first
to see the light.

That of the Immortals did not exist until Eros had brought together all the ingredients of the world,
and from their marriage Heaven,
Ocean,
Earth and the imperishable race of blessed gods sprang into being.

Thus our origin is very much older than that of the dwellers in Olympus.

We are the offspring of Eros;
there are a thousand proofs
to show it.

We have wings and we lend assistance
to lovers.

How many handsome youths,
who had sworn
to remain insensible,
have not been vanquished by our power and have yielded themselves
to their lovers when almost at the end of their youth,
being led away by the gift of a quail,
a waterfowl,
a goose,
or a cock.[4] And what important services do not the birds render
to mortals! First of all,
they mark the seasons
for them,
springtime,
winter,
and autumn.

Does the screaming crane migrate
to Libya,
--it warns the husbandman
to sow,
the pilot
to take his ease beside his tiller hung up in his dwelling,[5] and Orestes[6]
to weave a tunic,
so that the rigorous cold may not drive him any more
to strip other folk.

When the kite reappears,
he tells of the return of spring and of the period when the fleece of the sheep must be clipped.

Is the swallow in sight?

All hasten
to sell their warm tunic and
to buy some light clothing.

We are your Ammon,
Delphi,
Dodona,
your Phoebus Apollo.[7] Before undertaking anything,
whether a business transaction,
a marriage,
or the purchase of food,
you consult the birds by reading the omens,
and you give this name of omen[8]
to all signs that tell of the future.

With you a word is an omen,
you call a sneeze an omen,
a meeting an omen,
an unknown sound an omen,
a slave or an ass an omen.[9] Is it not clear that we are a prophetic Apollo
to you?

If you recognize us as gods,
we shall be your divining Muses,
through us you will know the winds and the seasons,
summer,
winter,
and the temperate months.

We shall not withdraw ourselves
to the highest clouds like Zeus,
but shall be among you and shall give
to you and
to your children and the children of your children,
health and wealth,
long life,
peace,
youth,
laughter,
songs and feasts;
in short,
you will all be so well off,
that you will be weary and satiated
with enjoyment.

Oh,
rustic Muse of such varied note,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tiotinx,
I sing
with you in the groves and on the mountain tops,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tiotinx.[10] I poured forth sacred strains from my golden throat in honour of the god Pan,[11] tio,
tio,
tio,
tiotinx,
from the top of the thickly leaved ash,
and my voice mingles
with the mighty choirs who extol Cybele on the mountain tops,[12] tototototototototinx.

'Tis
to our concerts that Phrynichus comes
to pillage like a bee the ambrosia of his songs,
the sweetness of which so charms the ear,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tinx.

If there be one of you spectators who wishes
to spend the rest of his life quietly among the birds,
let him come
to us.

All that is disgraceful and forbidden by law on earth is on the contrary honourable among us,
the birds.

For instance,
among you
'tis a crime
to beat your father,
but
with us
'tis an estimable deed;
it's considered fine
to run straight at your father and hit him,
saying,
"Come,
lift your spur if you want
to fight."

[13] The runaway slave,
whom you brand,
is only a spotted francolin
with us.[14] Are you Phrygian like Spintharus?[15] Among us you would be the Phrygian bird,
the goldfinch,
of the race of Philemon.[16] Are you a slave and a Carian like Execestides?

Among us you can create yourself fore-fathers;[17] you can always find relations.

Does the son of Pisias want
to betray the gates of the city
to the foe?

Let him become a partridge,
the fitting offspring of his father;
among us there is no shame in escaping as cleverly as a partridge.

So the swans on the banks of the Hebrus,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tiotinx,
mingle their voices
to serenade Apollo,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio.

tiotinx,
flapping their wings the while,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tiotinx;
their notes reach beyond the clouds of heaven;
all the dwellers in the forest stand still
with astonishment and delight;
a calm rests upon the waters,
and the Graces and the choirs in Olympus catch up the strain,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tio,
tiotinx.

There is nothing more useful nor more pleasant than
to have wings.

To begin with,
just let us suppose a spectator
to be dying
with hunger and
to be weary of the choruses of the tragic poets;
if he were winged,
he would fly off,
go home
to dine and come back
with his stomach filled.

Some Patroclides in urgent need would not have
to soil his cloak,
but could fly off,
satisfy his requirements,
and,
having recovered his breath,
return.

If one of you,
it matters not who,
had adulterous relations and saw the husband of his mistress in the seats of the senators,
he might stretch his wings,
fly thither,
and,
having appeased his craving,
resume his place.

Is it not the most priceless gift of all,
to be winged?

Look at Diitrephes![18] His wings were only wicker-work ones,
and yet he got himself chosen Phylarch and then Hipparch;
from being nobody,
he has risen
to be famous;
'tis now the finest gilded cock of his tribe.[19] f[1] The actor,
representing Procne,
was a flute-player.

f[2] The parabasis.

f[3] A sophist of the island of Ceos,
a disciple of Protagoras,
as celebrated
for his knowledge as
for his eloquence.

The Athenians condemned him
to death as a corrupter of youth in 396 B.C.

f[4] Lovers were wont
to make each other presents of birds.

The cock and the goose are mentioned,
of course,
in jest.

f[5] i.e.

that it gave notice of the approach of winter,
during which season the Ancients did not venture
to sea.

f[6] A notorious robber.

f[7] Meaning,
"We are your oracles."

--Dodona was an oracle in Epirus.

--The temple of Zeus there was surrounded by a dense forest,
all the trees of which were endowed
with the gift of prophecy;
both the sacred oaks and the pigeons that lived in them answered the questions of those who came
to consult the oracle in pure Greek.

f[8] The Greek word for
'omen'
is the same as that for
'bird.'

f[9] A satire on the passion of the Greeks
for seeing an omen in everything.

f[10] An imitation of the nightingale's song.

f[11] God of the groves and wilds.

f[12] The
'Mother of the Gods';
roaming the mountains,
she held dances,
always attended by Pan and his accompanying rout of Fauns and Satyrs.

f[13] An allusion
to cock-fighting;
the birds are armed
with brazen spurs.

f[14] An allusion
to the spots on this bird,
which resemble the scars left by a branding iron.

f[15] He was of Asiatic origin,
but wished
to pass
for an Athenian.

f[16] Or Philamnon,
King of Thrace;
the scholiast remarks that the Phrygians and the Thracians had a common origin.

f[17] The Greek word here is also the name of a little bird.

f[18] A basket-maker who had become rich.

--The Phylarchs were the headmen of the tribes.

They presided at the private assemblies and were charged
with the management of the treasury.

--The Hipparchs,
as the name implies,
were the leaders of the cavalry;
there were only two of these in the Athenian army.

f[19] He had become a senator.

PISTHETAERUS Halloa! What's this?

By Zeus! I never saw anything so funny in all my life.[1] f[1] Pisthetaerus and Euelpides now both return
with wings.

EUELPIDES What makes you laugh?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis your bits of wings.

D'you know what you look like?

Like a goose painted by some dauber-fellow.

EUELPIDES And you look like a close-shaven blackbird.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis ourselves asked
for this transformation,
and,
as Aeschylus has it,
"These are no borrowed feathers,
but truly our own."

[1] f[1] Meaning,
'tis we who wanted
to have these wings.

--The verse from Aeschylus,
quoted here,
is taken from
'The Myrmidons,'
a tragedy of which only a few fragments remain.

EPOPS Come now,
what must be done?

PISTHETAERUS First give our city a great and famous name,
then sacrifice
to the gods.

EUELPIDES I think so too.

EPOPS Let's see.

What shall our city be called?

PISTHETAERUS Will you have a high-sounding Laconian name?

Shall we call it Sparta?

EUELPIDES What! call my town Sparta?

Why,
I would not use esparto
for my bed,[1] even though I had nothing but bands of rushes.

f[1] The Greek word signified the city of Sparta,
and also a kind of broom used
for weaving rough matting,
which served
for the beds of the very poor.

PISTHETAERUS Well then,
what name can you suggest?

EUELPIDES Some name borrowed from the clouds,
from these lofty regions in which we dwell--in short,
some well-known name.

PISTHETAERUS Do you like Nephelococcygia?[1] f[1] A fanciful name constructed from [the word for] a cloud,
and [the word for] a cuckoo;
thus a city of clouds and cuckoos.

--'Wolkenkukelheim'
is a clever approximation in German.

Cloud-cuckoo-town,
perhaps,
is the best English equivalent.

EPOPS Oh! capital! truly
'tis a brilliant thought! EUELPIDES Is it in Nephelococcygia that all the wealth of Theovenes[1] and most of Aeschines'[2] is?

f[1] He was a boaster nicknamed
'smoke,'
because he promised a great deal and never kept his word.

f[2] Also mentioned in
'The Wasps.'

PISTHETAERUS No,
'tis rather the plain of Phlegra,[1] where the gods withered the pride of the sons of the Earth
with their shafts.

f[1] Because the war of the Titans against the gods was only a fiction of the poets.

EUELPIDES Oh! what a splendid city! But what god shall be its patron?

for whom shall we weave the peplus?[1] f[1] A sacred cloth,
with which the statue of Athene in the Acropolis was draped.

PISTHETAERUS Why not choose Athene Polias?[1] f[1] Meaning,
to be patron-goddess of the city.

Athene had a temple of this name.

EUELPIDES Oh! what a well-ordered town
'twould be
to have a female deity armed from head
to foot,
while Clisthenes[1] was spinning! f[1] An Athenian effeminate,
frequently ridiculed by Aristophanes.

PISTHETAERUS Who then shall guard the Pelargicon?[1] f[1] This was the name of the wall surrounding the Acropolis.

EPOPS One of us,
a bird of Persian strain,
who is everywhere proclaimed
to be the bravest of all,
a true chick of Ares.[1] f[1] i.e.

the fighting cock.

EUELPIDES Oh! noble chick! What a well-chosen god
for a rocky home! PISTHETAERUS Come! into the air
with you
to help the workers who are building the wall;
carry up rubble,
strip yourself
to mix the mortar,
take up the hod,
tumble down the ladder,
an you like,
post sentinels,
keep the fire smouldering beneath the ashes,
go round the walls,
bell in hand,[1] and go
to sleep up there yourself;
then d[i]spatch two heralds,
one
to the gods above,
the other
to mankind on earth and come back here.

f[1]
to waken the sentinels,
who might else have fallen asleep.

--There are several merry contradictions in the various parts of this list of injunctions.

EUELPIDES As
for yourself,
remain here,
and may the plague take you
for a troublesome fellow! PISTHETAERUS Go,
friend,
go where I send you,
for without you my orders cannot be obeyed.

For myself,
I want
to sacrifice
to the new god,
and I am going
to summon the priest who must preside at the ceremony.

Slaves! slaves! bring forward the basket and the lustral water.

CHORUS I do as you do,
and I wish as you wish,
and I implore you
to address powerful and solemn prayers
to the gods,
and in addition
to immolate a sheep as a token of our gratitude.

Let us sing the Pythian chant in honour of the god,
and let Chaeris accompany our voices.

PISTHETAERUS
(TO THE FLUTE-PLAYER)
Enough! but,
by Heracles! what is this?

Great gods! I have seen many prodigious things,
but I never saw a muzzled raven.[1] f[1] In allusion
to the leather strap which flute-players wore
to constrict the cheeks and add
to the power of the breath.

The performer here no doubt wore a raven's mask.

EPOPS Priest!
'tis high time! Sacrifice
to the new gods.

PRIEST I begin,
but where is he
with the basket?

Pray
to the Vesta of the birds,
to the kite,
who presides over the hearth,
and
to all the god and goddess-birds who dwell in Olympus.

CHORUS Oh! Hawk,
the sacred guardian of Sunium,
oh,
god of the storks! PRIEST Pray
to the swan of Delos,
to Latona the mother of the quails,
and
to Artemis,
the goldfinch.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis no longer Artemis Colaenis,
but Artemis the goldfinch.[1] f[1] Hellanicus,
the Mitylenian historian,
tells that this surname of Artemis is derived from Colaenus,
King of Athens before Cecrops and a descendant of Hermes.

In obedience
to an oracle he erected a temple
to the goddess,
invoking her as Artemis Colaenis
(the Artemis of Colaenus).

PRIEST And
to Bacchus,
the finch and Cybele,
the ostrich and mother of the gods and mankind.

CHORUS Oh! sovereign ostrich,
Cybele,
The mother of Cleocritus,[1] grant health and safety
to the Nephelococcygians as well as
to the dwellers in Chios...

f[1] This Cleocritus,
says the scholiast,
was long-necked and strutted like an ostrich.

PISTHETAERUS The dwellers in Chios! Ah! I am delighted they should be thus mentioned on all occasions.[1] f[1] The Chians were the most faithful allies of Athens,
and hence their name was always mentioned in prayers,
decrees,
etc.

CHORUS ...to the heroes,
the birds,
to the sons of heroes,
to the porphyrion,
the pelican,
the spoon-bill,
the redbreast,
the grouse,
the peacock,
the horned-owl,
the teal,
the bittern,
the heron,
the stormy petrel,
the fig-pecker,
the titmouse...

PISTHETAERUS Stop! stop! you drive me crazy
with your endless list.

Why,
wretch,
to what sacred feast are you inviting the vultures and the sea-eagles?

Don't you see that a single kite could easily carry off the lot at once?

Begone,
you and your fillets and all;
I shall know how
to complete the sacrifice by myself.

PRIEST It is imperative that I sing another sacred chant
for the rite of the lustral water,
and that I invoke the immortals,
or at least one of them,
provided always that you have some suitable food
to offer him;
from what I see here,
in the shape of gifts,
there is naught whatever but horn and hair.

PISTHETAERUS Let us address our sacrifices and our prayers
to the winged gods.

A POET Oh,
Muse! celebrate happy Nephelococcygia in your hymns.

PISTHETAERUS What have we here?

Where did you come from,
tell me?

Who are you?

POET I am he whose language is sweeter than honey,
the zealous slave of the Muses,
as Homer has it.

PISTHETAERUS You a slave! and yet you wear your hair long?

POET No,
but the fact is all we poets are the assiduous slaves of the Muses,
according
to Homer.

PISTHETAERUS In truth your little cloak is quite holy too through zeal! But,
poet,
what ill wind drove you here?

POET I have composed verses in honour of your Nephelococcygia,
a host of splendid dithyrambs and parthenians[1] worthy of Simonides himself.

f[1] Verses sung by maidens.

PISTHETAERUS And when did you compose them?

How long since?

POET Oh!
'tis long,
aye,
very long,
that I have sung in honour of this city.

PISTHETAERUS But I am only celebrating its foundation
with this sacrifice;[1] I have only just named it,
as is done
with little babies.

f[1] This ceremony took place on the tenth day after birth,
and may be styled the pagan baptism.

POET
"Just as the chargers fly
with the speed of the wind,
so does the voice of the Muses take its flight.

Oh! thou noble founder of the town of Aetna,[1] thou,
whose name recalls the holy sacrifices,[2] make us such gift as thy generous heart shall suggest."

f[1] Hiero,
tyrant of Syracuse.

--This passage is borrowed from Pindar.

f[2] [Hiero] in Greek means
'sacrifice.'

PISTHETAERUS He will drive us silly if we do not get rid of him by some present.

Here! you,
who have a fur as well as your tunic,
take it off and give it
to this clever poet.

Come,
take this fur;
you look
to me
to be shivering
with cold.

POET My Muse will gladly accept this gift;
but engrave these verses of Pindar's on your mind.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! what a pest!
'Tis impossible then
to be rid of him! POET
"Straton wanders among the Scythian nomads,
but has no linen garment.

He is sad at only wearing an animal's pelt and no tunic."

Do you conceive my bent?

PISTHETAERUS I understand that you want me
to offer you a tunic.

Hi! you
(TO EUELPIDES),
take off yours;
we must help the poet....

Come,
you,
take it and begone.

POET I am going,
and these are the verses that I address
to this city:

"Phoebus of the golden throne,
celebrate this shivery,
freezing city;
I have travelled through fruitful and snow-covered plains.

Tralala! Tralala!"
[1] f[1] A parody of poetic pathos,
not
to say bathos.

PISTHETAERUS What are you chanting us about frosts?

Thanks
to the tunic,
you no longer fear them.

Ah! by Zeus! I could not have believed this cursed fellow could so soon have learnt the way
to our city.

Come,
priest,
take the lustral water and circle the altar.

PRIEST Let all keep silence! A PROPHET Let not the goat be sacrificed.[1] F[1] Which the priest was preparing
to sacrifice.

PISTHETAERUS Who are you?

PROPHET Who am I?

A prophet.

PISTHETAERUS Get you gone.

PROPHET Wretched man,
insult not sacred things.

For there is an oracle of Bacis,
which exactly applies
to Nephelococcygia.

PISTHETAERUS Why did you not reveal it
to me before I founded my city?

PROPHET The divine spirit was against it.

PISTHETAERUS Well,
'tis best
to know the terms of the oracle.

PROPHET
"But when the wolves and the white crows shall dwell together between Corinth and Sicyon..."

PISTHETAERUS But how do the Corinthians concern me?

PROPHET
'Tis the regions of the air that Bacis indicated in this manner.

"They must first sacrifice a white-fleeced goat
to Pandora,
and give the prophet,
who first reveals my words,
a good cloak and new sandals."

PISTHETAERUS Are the sandals there?

PROPHET Read.

"And besides this a goblet of wine and a good share of the entrails of the victim."

PISTHETAERUS Of the entrails--is it so written?

PROPHET Read.

"If you do as I command,
divine youth,
you shall be an eagle among the clouds;
if not,
you shall be neither turtle-dove,
nor eagle,
nor woodpecker."

PISTHETAERUS Is all that there?

PROPHET Read.

PISTHETAERUS This oracle in no sort of way resembles the one Apollo dictated
to me:

"If an impostor comes without invitation
to annoy you during the sacrifice and
to demand a share of the victim,
apply a stout stick
to his ribs."

PROPHET You are drivelling.

PISTHETAERUS
"And don't spare him,
were he an eagle from out of the clouds,
were it Lampon[1] himself or the great Diopithes."

[2] f[1] Noted Athenian diviner,
who,
when the power was still shared between Thucydides and Pericles,
predicted that it would soon be centred in the hands of the latter;
his ground
for this prophecy was the sight of a ram
with a single horn.

f[2] No doubt another Athenian diviner,
and possibly the same person whom Aristophanes names in
'The Knights'
and
'The Wasps'
as being a thief.

PROPHET Is all that there?

PISTHETAERUS Here,
read it yourself,
and go and hang yourself.

PROPHET Oh! unfortunate wretch that I am.

PISTHETAERUS Away
with you,
and take your prophecies elsewhere.

METON[1] I have come
to you.

f[1] A celebrated geometrician and astronomer.

PISTHETAERUS Yet another pest! What have you come
to do?

What's your plan?

What's the purpose of your journey?

Why these splendid buskins?

METON I want
to survey the plains of the air
for you and
to parcel them into lots.

PISTHETAERUS In the name of the gods,
who are you?

METON Who am I?

Meton,
known throughout Greece and at Colonus.[1] f[1] A deme contiguous
to Athens.

It is as though he said,
"Well known throughout all England and at Croydon.

PISTHETAERUS What are these things?

METON Tools
for measuring the air.

In truth,
the spaces in the air have precisely the form of a furnace.

With this bent ruler I draw a line from top
to bottom;
from one of its points I describe a circle
with the compass.

Do you understand?

PISTHETAERUS Not the very least.

METON
with the straight ruler I set
to work
to inscribe a square within this circle;
in its centre will be the market-place,
into which all the straight streets will lead,
converging
to this centre like a star,
which,
although only orbicular,
sends forth its rays in a straight line from all sides.

PISTHETAERUS Meton,
you new Thales...[1] f[1] Thales was no less famous as a geometrician than he was as a sage.

METON What d'you want
with me?

PISTHETAERUS I want
to give you a proof of my friendship.

Use your legs.

METON Why,
what have I
to fear?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis the same here as in Sparta.

Strangers are driven away,
and blows rain down as thick as hail.

METON Is there sedition in your city?

PISTHETAERUS No,
certainly not.

METON What's wrong then?

PISTHETAERUS We are agreed
to sweep all quacks and impostors far from our borders.

METON Then I'm off.

PISTHETAERUS I fear
'tis too late.

The thunder growls already.

(BEATS HIM.)
METON Oh,
woe! oh,
woe! PISTHETAERUS I warned you.

Now,
be off,
and do your surveying somewhere else.

(METON TAKES
to HIS HEELS.)
AN INSPECTOR Where are the Proxeni?[1] f[1] Officers of Athens,
whose duty was
to protect strangers who came on political or other business,
and see
to their interests generally.

PISTHETAERUS Who is this Sardanapalus?[1] f[1] He addresses the inspector thus because of the royal and magnificent manners he assumes.

INSPECTOR I have been appointed by lot
to come
to Nephelococcygia.

as inspector.[1] f[1] Magistrates appointed
to inspect the tributary towns.

PISTHETAERUS An inspector! and who sends you here,
you rascal?

INSPECTOR A decree of T[e]leas.[1] f[1] A much-despised citizen,
already mentioned.

He ironically supposes him invested
with the powers of an Archon,
which ordinarily were entrusted only
to men of good repute.

PISTHETAERUS Will you just pocket your salary,
do nothing,
and be off?

INSPECTOR I'
faith! that I will;
I am urgently needed
to be at Athens
to attend the assembly;
for I am charged
with the interests of Pharnaces.[1] f[1] A Persian satrap.

--An allusion
to certain orators,
who,
bribed
with Asiatic gold,
had often defended the interests of the foe in the Public Assembly.

PISTHETAERUS Take it then,
and be off.

See,
here is your salary.

(BEATS HIM.)
INSPECTOR What does this mean?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis the assembly where you have
to defend Pharnaces.

INSPECTOR You shall testify that they dare
to strike me,
the inspector.

PISTHETAERUS Are you not going
to clear out
with your urns?

'Tis not
to be believed;
they send us inspectors before we have so much as paid sacrifice
to the gods.

A DEALER IN DECREES
"If the Nephelococcygian does wrong
to the Athenian..."

PISTHETAERUS Now whatever are these cursed parchments?

DEALER IN DECREES I am a dealer in decrees,
and I have come here
to sell you the new laws.

PISTHETAERUS Which?

DEALER IN DECREES
"The Nephelococcygians shall adopt the same weights,
measures and decrees as the Olophyxians."

[1] f[1] A Macedonian people in the peninsula of Chalcidice.

This name is chosen because of its similarity
to the Greek word [for]
'to groan.'

It is from another verb,
meaning the same thing,
that Pisthetaerus coins the name of Ototyxians,
i.e.

groaners,
because he is about
to beat the dealer.

--The mother-country had the right
to impose any law it chose upon its colonies.

PISTHETAERUS And you shall soon be imitating the Ototyxians.

(BEATS HIM.)
DEALER IN DECREES Hullo! what are you doing?

PISTHETAERUS Now will you be off
with your decrees?

For I am going
to let YOU see some severe ones.

INSPECTOR
(RETURNING)
I summon Pisthetaerus
for outrage
for the month of Munychion.[1] f[1] Corresponding
to our month of April.

PISTHETAERUS Ha! my friend! are you still there?

DEALER IN DECREES
"Should anyone drive away the magistrates and not receive them,
according
to the decree duly posted..."

PISTHETAERUS What! rascal! you are there too?

INSPECTOR Woe
to you! I'll have you condemned
to a fine of ten thousand drachmae.

PISTHETAERUS And I'll smash your urns.[1] f[1] Which the inspector had brought
with him
for the purpose of inaugurating the assemblies of the people or some tribunal.

INSPECTOR Do you recall that evening when you stooled against the column where the decrees are posted?

PISTHETAERUS Here! here! let him be seized.

(THE INSPECTOR RUNS OFF.)
Well! don't you want
to stop any longer?

PRIEST Let us get indoors as quick as possible;
we will sacrifice the goat inside.[1] f[1] So that the sacrifices might no longer be interrupted.

CHORUS Henceforth it is
to me that mortals must address their sacrifices and their prayers.

Nothing escapes my sight nor my might.

My glance embraces the universe,
I preserve the fruit in the flower by destroying the thousand kinds of voracious insects the soil produces,
which attack the trees and feed on the germ when it has scarcely formed in the calyx;
I destroy those who ravage the balmy terrace gardens like a deadly plague;
all these gnawing crawling creatures perish beneath the lash of my wing.

I hear it proclaimed everywhere:

"A talent
for him who shall kill Diagoras of Melos,[1] and a talent
for him who destroys one of the dead tyrants."

[2] We likewise wish
to make our proclamation:

"A talent
to him among you who shall kill Philocrates,
the Struthian;[3] four,
if he brings him
to us alive.

For this Philocrates skewers the finches together and sells them at the rate of an obolus
for seven.

He tortures the thrushes by blowing them out,
so that they may look bigger,
sticks their own feathers into the nostrils of blackbirds,
and collects pigeons,
which he shuts up and forces them,
fastened in a net,
to decoy others."

That is what we wish
to proclaim.

And if anyone is keeping birds shut up in his yard,
let him hasten
to let them loose;
those who disobey shall be seized by the birds and we shall put them in chains,
so that in their turn they may decoy other men.

Happy indeed is the race of winged birds who need no cloak in winter! Neither do I fear the relentless rays of the fiery dog-days;
when the divine grasshopper,
intoxicated
with the sunlight,
when noon is burning the ground,
is breaking out into shrill melody;
my home is beneath the foliage in the flowery meadows.

I winter in deep caverns,
where I frolic
with the mountain nymphs,
while in spring I despoil the gardens of the Graces and gather the white,
virgin berry on the myrtle bushes.

I want now
to speak
to the judges about the prize they are going
to award;
if they are favourable
to us,
we will load them
with benefits far greater than those Paris[4] received.

Firstly,
the owls of Laurium,[5] which every judge desires above all things,
shall never be wanting
to you;
you shall see them homing
with you,
building their nests in your money-bags and laying coins.

Besides,
you shall be housed like the gods,
for we shall erect gables[6] over your dwellings;
if you hold some public post and want
to do a little pilfering,
we will give you the sharp claws of a hawk.

Are you dining in town,
we will provide you
with crops.[7] But,
if your award is against us,
don't fail
to have metal covers fashioned
for yourselves,
like those they place over statues;[8] else,
look out!
for the day you wear a white tunic all the birds will soil it
with their droppings.

f[1] A disciple of Democrites;
he passed over from superstition
to atheism.

The injustice and perversity of mankind led him
to deny the existence of the gods,
to lay bare the mysteries and
to break the idols.

The Athenians had put a price on his head,
so he left Greece and perished soon afterwards in a storm at sea.

f[2] By this jest Aristophanes means
to imply that tyranny is dead,
and that no one aspires
to despotic power,
though this silly accusation was constantly being raised by the demagogues and always favourably received by the populace.

f[3] A poulterer.

--Strouthian,
used in joke
to designate him,
as if from the name of his
'deme,'
is derived from [the Greek for]
'a sparrow.'

The birds'
foe is thus grotesquely furnished
with an ornithological surname.

f[4] From Aphrodite
(Venus),
to whom he had awarded the apple,
prize of beauty,
in the contest of the
"goddesses three."

f[5] Laurium was an Athenian deme at the extremity of the Attic peninsula containing valuable silver mines,
the revenues of which were largely employed in the maintenance of the fleet and payment of the crews.

The
"owls of Laurium,"
of course,
mean pieces of money;
the Athenian coinage was stamped
with a representation of an owl,
the bird of Athene.

f[6] A pun,
impossible
to keep in English,
on the two meanings of [the Greek] word which signifies both an eagle and the gable of a house or pediment of a temple.

f[7] That is,
birds'
crops,
into which they could stow away plenty of good things.

f[8] The Ancients appear
to have placed metal discs over statues standing in the open air,
to save them from injury from the weather,
etc.

PISTHETAERUS Birds! the sacrifice is propitious.

But I see no messenger coming from the wall
to tell us what is happening.

Ah! here comes one running himself out of breath as though he were running the Olympic stadium.

MESSENGER Where,
where is he?

Where,
where,
where is he?

Where,
where,
where is he?

Where is Pisthetaerus,
our leader?

PISTHETAERUS Here am I.

MESSENGER The wall is finished.

PISTHETAERUS That's good news.

MESSENGER
'Tis a most beautiful,
a most magnificent work of art.

The wall is so broad that Proxenides,
the Braggartian,
and Theogenes could pass each other in their chariots,
even if they were drawn by steeds as big as the Trojan horse.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis wonderful! MESSENGER Its length is one hundred stadia;
I measured it myself.

PISTHETAERUS A decent length,
by Posidon! And who built such a wall?

MESSENGER Birds--birds only;
they had neither Egyptian brickmaker,
nor stone-mason,
nor carpenter;
the birds did it all themselves;
I could hardly believe my eyes.

Thirty thousand cranes came from Libya
with a supply of stones,[1] intended
for the foundations.

The water- rails chiselled them
with their beaks.

Ten thousand storks were busy making bricks;
plovers and other water fowl carried water into the air.

f[1] So as not
to be carried away by the wind when crossing the sea,
cranes are popularly supposed
to ballast themselves
with stones,
which they carry in their beaks.

PISTHETAERUS And who carried the mortar?

MESSENGER Herons,
in hods.

PISTHETAERUS But how could they put the mortar into hods?

MESSENGER Oh!
'twas a truly clever invention;
the geese used their feet like spades;
they buried them in the pile of mortar and then emptied them into the hods.

PISTHETAERUS Ah!
to what use cannot feet be put?[1] f[1] Pisthetaerus modifies the Greek proverbial saying,
"To what use cannot hands be put?"
MESSENGER You should have seen how eagerly the ducks carried bricks.

To complete the tale,
the swallows came flying
to the work,
their beaks full of mortar and their trowel on their back,
just the way little children are carried.

PISTHETAERUS Who would want paid servants after this?

But tell me,
who did the woodwork?

MESSENGER Birds again,
and clever carpenters too,
the pelicans,
for they squared up the gates
with their beaks in such a fashion that one would have thought they were using axes;
the noise was just like a dockyard.

Now the whole wall is tight everywhere,
securely bolted and well guarded;
it is patrolled,
bell in hand;
the sentinels stand everywhere and beacons burn on the towers.

But I must run off
to clean myself;
the rest is your business.

CHORUS Well! what do you say
to it?

Are you not astonished at the wall being completed so quickly?

PISTHETAERUS By the gods,
yes,
and
with good reason.

'Tis really not
to be believed.

But here comes another messenger from the wall
to bring us some further news! What a fighting look he has! SECOND MESSENGER Oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! oh! PISTHETAERUS What's the matter?

SECOND MESSENGER A horrible outrage has occurred;
a god sent by Zeus has passed through our gates and has penetrated the realms of the air without the knowledge of the jays,
who are on guard in the daytime.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis an unworthy and criminal deed.

What god was it?

SECOND MESSENGER We don't know that.

All we know is,
that he has got wings.

PISTHETAERUS Why were not guards sent against him at once?

SECOND MESSENGER We have d[i]spatched thirty thousand hawks of the legion of Mounted Archers.[1] All the hook-clawed birds are moving against him,
the kestrel,
the buzzard,
the vulture,
the great-horned owl;
they cleave the air,
so that it resounds
with the flapping of their wings;
they are looking everywhere
for the god,
who cannot be far away;
indeed,
if I mistake not,
he is coming from yonder side.

f[1] A corps of Athenian cavalry was so named.

PISTHETAERUS All arm themselves
with slings and bows! This way,
all our soldiers;
shoot and strike! Some one give me a sling! CHORUS War,
a terrible war is breaking out between us and the gods! Come,
let each one guard Air,
the son of Erebus,[1] in which the clouds float.

Take care no immortal enters it without your knowledge.

Scan all sides
with your glance.

Hark! methinks I can hear the rustle of the swift wings of a god from heaven.

f[1] Chaos,
Night,
Tartarus,
and Erebus alone existed in the beginning;
Eros was born from Night and Erebus,
and he wedded Chaos and begot Earth,
Air,
and Heaven;
so runs the fable.

PISTHETAERUS Hi! you woman! where are you flying to?

Halt,
don't stir! keep motionless! not a beat of your wing! --Who are you and from what country?

You must say whence you come.[1] f[1] Iris appears from the top of the stage and arrests her flight in mid-career.

IRIS I come from the abode of the Olympian gods.

PISTHETAERUS What's your name,
ship or cap?[1] f[1] Ship,
because of her wings,
which resemble oars;
cap,
because she no doubt wore the head-dress
(as a messenger of the gods)
with which Hermes is generally depicted.

IRIS I am swift Iris.

PISTHETAERUS Paralus or Salaminia?[1] f[1] The names of the two sacred galleys which carried Athenian officials on State business.

IRIS What do you mean?

PISTHETAERUS Let a buzzard rush at her and seize her.[1] f[1] A buzzard is named in order
to raise a laugh,
the Greek name also meaning,
etymologically,
provided
with three testicles,
vigorous in love.

IRIS Seize me! But what do all these insults mean?

PISTHETAERUS Woe
to you! IRIS
'Tis incomprehensible.

PISTHETAERUS By which gate did you pass through the wall,
wretched woman?

IRIS By which gate?

Why,
great gods,
I don't know.

PISTHETAERUS You hear how she holds us in derision.

Did you present yourself
to the officers in command of the jays?

You don't answer.

Have you a permit,
bearing the seal of the storks?

IRIS Am I awake?

PISTHETAERUS Did you get one?

IRIS Are you mad?

PISTHETAERUS No head-bird gave you a safe-conduct?

IRIS A safe-conduct
to me,
you poor fool! PISTHETAERUS Ah! and so you slipped into this city on the sly and into these realms of air-land that don't belong
to you.

IRIS And what other roads can the gods travel?

PISTHETAERUS By Zeus! I know nothing about that,
not I.

But they won't pass this way.

And you still dare
to complain! Why,
if you were treated according
to your deserts,
no Iris would ever have more justly suffered death.

IRIS I am immortal.

PISTHETAERUS You would have died nevertheless.

--Oh!
'twould be truly intolerable! What! should the universe obey us and the gods alone continue their insolence and not understand that they must submit
to the law of the strongest in their due turn?

But tell me,
where are you flying to?

IRIS I?

The messenger of Zeus
to mankind,
I am going
to tell them
to sacrifice sheep and oxen on the altars and
to fill their streets
with the rich smoke of burning fat.

PISTHETAERUS Of which gods are you speaking?

IRIS Of which?

Why,
of ourselves,
the gods of heaven.

PISTHETAERUS You,
gods?

IRIS Are there others then?

PISTHETAERUS Men now adore the birds as gods,
and
'tis
to them,
by Zeus,
that they must offer sacrifices,
and not
to Zeus at all! IRIS Oh! fool! fool! Rouse not the wrath of the gods,
for
'tis terrible indeed.

Armed
with the brand of Zeus,
Justice would annihilate your race;
the lightning would strike you as it did Licymnius and consume both your body and the porticos of your palace.[1] f[1] Iris'
reply is a parody of the tragic style.

--'Lycimnius'
is,
according
to the scholiast,
the title of a tragedy by Euripides,
which is about a ship that is struck by lightning.

PISTHETAERUS Here! that's enough tall talk.

Just you listen and keep quiet! Do you take me
for a Lydian or a Phrygian[1] and think
to frighten me
with your big words?

Know,
that if Zeus worries me again,
I shall go at the head of my eagles,
who are armed
with lightning,
and reduce his dwelling and that of Amphion
to cinders.[2] I shall send more than six hundred porphyrions clothed in leopards'
skins[3] up
to heaven against him;
and formerly a single Porphyrion gave him enough
to do.

As
for you,
his messenger,
if you annoy me,
I shall begin by stretching your legs asunder,
and so conduct myself,
Iris though you be,
that despite my age,
you will be astonished.

I will show you something that will make you three times over.

f[1] i.e.

for a poltroon,
like the slaves,
most of whom came
to Athens from these countries.

f[2] A parody of a passage in the lost tragedy of
'Niobe'
of Aeschylus.

f[3] Because this bird has a spotted plumage.

--Porphyrion is also the name of one of the Titans who tried
to storm heave.

IRIS May you perish,
you wretch,
you and your infamous words! PISTHETAERUS Won't you be off quickly?

Come,
stretch your wings or look out
for squalls! IRIS If my father does not punish you
for your insults...

PISTHETAERUS Ha!...

but just you be off elsewhere
to roast younger folk than us
with your lightning.

CHORUS We forbid the gods,
the sons of Zeus,
to pass through our city and the mortals
to send them the smoke of their sacrifices by this road.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis odd that the messenger we sent
to the mortals has never returned.

HERALD Oh! blessed Pisthetaerus,
very wise,
very illustrious,
very gracious,
thrice happy,
very...

Come,
prompt me,
somebody,
do.

PISTHETAERUS Get
to your story! HERALD All peoples are filled
with admiration
for your wisdom,
and they award you this golden crown.

PISTHETAERUS I accept it.

But tell me,
why do the people admire me?

HERALD Oh you,
who have founded so illustrious a city in the air,
you know not in what esteem men hold you and how many there are who burn
with desire
to dwell in it.

Before your city was built,
all men had a mania
for Sparta;
long hair and fasting were held in honour,
men went dirty like Socrates and carried staves.

Now all is changed.

Firstly,
as soon as
'tis dawn,
they all spring out of bed together
to go and seek their food,
the same as you do;
then they fly off towards the notices and finally devour the decrees.

The bird-madness is so clear,
that many actually bear the names of birds.

There is a halting victualler,
who styles himself the partridge;
Menippus calls himself the swallow;
Opuntius the one-eyed crow;
Philocles the lark;
Theogenes the fox-goose;
Lycurgus the ibis;
Chaerephon the bat;
Syracosius the magpie;
Midias the quail;[1] indeed he looks like a quail that has been hit hard over the head.

Out of love
for the birds they repeat all the songs which concern the swallow,
the teal,
the goose or the pigeon;
in each verse you see wings,
or at all events a few feathers.

This is what is happening down there.

Finally,
there are more than ten thousand folk who are coming here from earth
to ask you
for feathers and hooked claws;
so,
mind you supply yourself
with wings
for the immigrants.

f[1] All these surnames bore some relation
to the character or the build of the individual
to whom the poet applies them.

--Chaerephon,
Socrates'
disciple,
was of white and ashen hue.

--Opuntius was one-eyed.

--Syracosius was a braggart.

--Midias had a passion
for quail-fights,
and,
besides,
resembled that bird physically.

PISTHETAERUS Ah! by Zeus,
'tis not the time
for idling.

Go as quick as possible and fill every hamper,
every basket you can find
with wings.

Manes[1] will bring them
to me outside the walls,
where I will welcome those who present themselves.

f[1] Pisthetaerus'
servant,
already mentioned.

CHORUS This town will soon be inhabited by a crowd of men.

PISTHETAERUS If fortune favours us.

CHORUS Folk are more and more delighted
with it.

PISTHETAERUS Come,
hurry up and bring them along.

CHORUS Will not man find here everything that can please him--wisdom,
love,
the divine Graces,
the sweet face of gentle peace?

PISTHETAERUS Oh! you lazy servant! won't you hurry yourself?

CHORUS Let a basket of wings be brought speedily.

Come,
beat him as I do,
and put some life into him;
he is as lazy as an ass.

PISTHETAERUS Aye,
Manes is a great craven.

CHORUS Begin by putting this heap of wings in order;
divide them in three parts according
to the birds from whom they came;
the singing,
the prophetic[1] and the aquatic birds;
then you must take care
to distribute them
to the men according
to their character.

f[1] From the inspection of which auguries were taken,
e.g.

the eagles,
the vultures,
the crows.

PISTHETAERUS
(TO MANES)
Oh! by the kestrels! I can keep my hands off you no longer;
you are too slow and lazy altogether.

A PARRICIDE[1] Oh! might I but become an eagle,
who soars in the skies! Oh! might I fly above the azure waves of the barren sea![2] f[1] Or rather,
a young man who contemplated parricide.

f[2] A parody of verses in Sophocles
'Oenomaus.'

PISTHETAERUS Ha!
'twould seem the news was true;
I hear someone coming who talks of wings.

PARRICIDE Nothing is more charming than
to fly;
I burn
with desire
to live under the same laws as the birds;
I am bird-mad and fly towards you,
for I want
to live
with you and
to obey your laws.

PISTHETAERUS Which laws?

The birds have many laws.

PARRICIDE All of them;
but the one that pleases me most is,
that among the birds it is considered a fine thing
to peck and strangle one's father.

PISTHETAERUS Aye,
by Zeus! according
to us,
he who dares
to strike his father,
while still a chick,
is a brave fellow.

PARRICIDE And therefore I want
to dwell here,
for I want
to strangle my father and inherit his wealth.

PISTHETAERUS But we have also an ancient law written in the code of the storks,
which runs thus,
"When the stork father has reared his young and has taught them
to fly,
the young must in their turn support the father."

PARRICIDE
'Tis hardly worth while coming all this distance
to be compelled
to keep my father! PISTHETAERUS No,
no,
young friend,
since you have come
to us
with such willingness,
I am going
to give you these black wings,
as though you were an orphan bird;
furthermore,
some good advice,
that I received myself in infancy.

Don't strike your father,
but take these wings in one hand and these spurs in the other;
imagine you have a cock's crest on your head and go and mount guard and fight;
live on your pay and respect your father's life.

You're a gallant fellow! Very well,
then! Fly
to Thrace and fight.[1] f[1] The Athenians were then besieging Amphipolis in the Thracian Chalcidice.

PARRICIDE By Bacchus!
'Tis well spoken;
I will follow your counsel.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis acting wisely,
by Zeus.

CINESIAS[1]
"On my light pinions I soar off
to Olympus;
in its capricious flight my Muse flutters along the thousand paths of poetry in turn..."

f[1] There was a real Cinesias--a dythyrambic poet born at Thebes.

PISTHETAERUS This is a fellow will need a whole shipload of wings.

CINESIAS
(singing)
"...and being fearless and vigorous,
it is seeking fresh outlet."

PISTHETAERUS Welcome,
Cinesias,
you lime-wood man![1] Why have you come here a-twisting your game leg in circles?

f[1] The scholiast thinks that Cinesias,
who was tall and slight of build,
wore a kind of corset of lime-wood
to support his waist-- surely rather a far-fetched interpretation! CINESIAS
"I want
to become a bird,
a tuneful nightingale."

PISTHETAERUS Enough of that sort of ditty.

Tell me what you want.

CINESIAS Give me wings and I will fly into the topmost airs
to gather fresh songs in the clouds,
in the midst of the vapours and the fleecy snow.

PISTHETAERUS Gather songs in the clouds?

CINESIAS
'Tis on them the whole of our latter-day art depends.

The most brilliant dithyrambs are those that flap their wings in void space and are clothed in mist and dense obscurity.

To appreciate this,
just listen.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! no,
no,
no! CINESIAS By Hermes! but indeed you shall.

"I shall travel through thine ethereal empire like a winged bird,
who cleaveth space
with his long neck..."

PISTHETAERUS Stop! easy all,
I say![1] f[1] The Greek word used here was the word of command employed
to stop the rowers.

CINESIAS
"...as I soar over the seas,
carried by the breath of the winds..."

PISTHETAERUS By Zeus! but I'll cut your breath short.

CINESIAS
"...now rushing along the tracks of Notus,
now nearing Boreas across the infinite wastes of the ether."

(PISTHETAERUS BEATS HIM.} Ah! old man,
that's a pretty and clever idea truly! PISTHETAERUS What! are you not delighted
to be cleaving the air?[1] F[1] Cinesias makes a bound each time that Pisthetaerus strikes him.

CINESIAS
to treat a dithyrambic poet,
for whom the tribes dispute
with each other,
in this style![1] f[1] The tribes of Athens,
or rather the rich citizens belonging
to them,
were wont on feast-days
to give representations of dithyrambic choruses as well as of tragedies and comedies.

PISTHETAERUS Will you stay
with us and form a chorus of winged birds as slender as Leotrophides[1]
for the Cecropid tribe?

f[1] Another dithyrambic poet,
a man of extreme leanness.

CINESIAS You are making game of me,
'tis clear;
but know that I shall never leave you in peace if I do not have wings wherewith
to traverse the air.

AN INFORMER What are these birds
with downy feathers,
who look so pitiable
to me?

Tell me,
oh swallow
with the long dappled wings.[1] f[1] A parody of a hemistich from
'Alcaeus.'

--The informer is dissatisfied at only seeing birds of sombre plumage and poor appearance.

He would have preferred
to denounce the rich.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! but
'tis a regular invasion that threatens us.

Here comes another of them,
humming along.

INFORMER Swallow
with the long dappled wings,
once more I summon you.

PISTHETAERUS It's his cloak I believe he's addressing;
'faith,
it stands in great need of the swallows'
return.[1] f[1] The informer,
says the scholiast,
was clothed
with a ragged cloak,
the tatters of which hung down like wings,
in fact,
a cloak that could not protect him from the cold and must have made him long
for the swallows'
return,
i.e.

the spring.

INFORMER Where is he who gives out wings
to all comers?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis I,
but you must tell me
for what purpose you want them.

INFORMER Ask no questions.

I want wings,
and wings I must have.

PISTHETAERUS Do you want
to fly straight
to Pellene?[1] f[1] A town in Achaia,
where woollen cloaks were made.

INFORMER I?

Why,
I am an accuser of the islands,[1] an informer...

f[1] His trade was
to accuse the rich citizens of the subject islands,
and drag them before the Athenian court;
he explains later the special advantages of this branch of the informer's business.

PISTHETAERUS A fine trade,
truly! INFORMER ...a hatcher of lawsuits.

Hence I have great need of wings
to prowl round the cities and drag them before justice.

PISTHETAERUS Would you do this better if you had wings?

INFORMER No,
but I should no longer fear the pirates;
I should return
with the cranes,
loaded
with a supply of lawsuits by way of ballast.

PISTHETAERUS So it seems,
despite all your youthful vigour,
you make it your trade
to denounce strangers?

INFORMER Well,
and why not?

I don't know how
to dig.

PISTHETAERUS But,
by Zeus! there are honest ways of gaining a living at your age without all this infamous trickery.

INFORMER My friend,
I am asking you
for wings,
not
for words.

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis just my words that give you wings.

INFORMER And how can you give a man wings
with your words?

PISTHETAERUS
'Tis thus that all first start.

INFORMER All?

PISTHETAERUS Have you not often heard the father say
to young men in the barbers'
shops,
"It's astonishing how Diitrephes'
advice has made my son fly
to horse-riding."

--"Mine,"
says another,
"has flown towards tragic poetry on the wings of his imagination."

INFORMER So that words give wings?

PISTHETAERUS Undoubtedly;
words give wings
to the mind and make a man soar
to heaven.

Thus I hope that my wise words will give you wings
to fly
to some less degrading trade.

INFORMER But I do not want to.

PISTHETAERUS What do you reckon on doing then?

INFORMER I won't belie my breeding;
from generation
to generation we have lived by informing.

Quick,
therefore,
give me quickly some light,
swift hawk or kestrel wings,
so that I may summon the islanders,
sustain the accusation here,
and haste back there again on flying pinions.

PISTHETAERUS I see.

In this way the stranger will be condemned even before he appears.

INFORMER That's just it.

PISTHETAERUS And while he is on his way here by sea,
you will be flying
to the islands
to despoil him of his property.

INFORMER You've hit it,
precisely;
I must whirl hither and thither like a perfect humming-top.

PISTHETAERUS I catch the idea.

Wait,
i'
faith,
I've got some fine Corcyraean wings.[1] How do you like them?

f[1] That is,
whips--Corcyra being famous
for these articles.

INFORMER Oh! woe is me! Why,
'tis a whip! PISTHETAERUS No,
no;
these are the wings,
I tell you,
that set the top a-spinning.

INFORMER Oh! oh! oh! PISTHETAERUS Take your flight,
clear off,
you miserable cur,
or you will soon see what comes of quibbling and lying.

Come,
let us gather up our wings and withdraw.

CHORUS In my ethereal flights I have seen many things new and strange and wondrous beyond belief.

There is a tree called Cleonymus belonging
to an unknown species;
it has no heart,
is good
for nothing and is as tall as it is cowardly.

In springtime it shoots forth calumnies instead of buds and in autumn it strews the ground
with bucklers in place of leaves.[1] Far away in the regions of darkness,
where no ray of light ever enters,
there is a country,
where men sit at the table of the heroes and dwell
with them always--save always in the evening.

Should any mortal meet the hero Orestes at night,
he would soon be stripped and covered
with blows from head
to foot.[2] f[1] Cleonymous is a standing butt of Aristophanes'
wit,
both as an informer and a notorious poltroon.

f[2] In allusion
to the cave of the bandit Orestes;
the poet terms him a hero only because of his heroic name Orestes.

PROMETHEUS Ah! by the gods! if only Zeus does not espy me! Where is Pisthetaerus?

PISTHETAERUS Ha! what is this?

A masked man! PROMETHEUS Can you see any god behind me?

PISTHETAERUS No,
none.

But who are you,
pray?

PROMETHEUS What's the time,
please?

PISTHETAERUS The time?

Why,
it's past noon.

Who are you?

PROMETHEUS Is it the fall of day?

Is it no later than that?[1] f[1] Prometheus wants night
to come and so reduce the risk of being seen from Olympus.

PISTHETAERUS Oh!
'pon my word! but you grow tiresome.

PROMETHEUS What is Zeus doing?

Is he dispersing the clouds or gathering them?[1] f[1] The clouds would prevent Zeus seeing what was happening below him.

PISTHETAERUS Take care,
lest I lose all patience.

PROMETHEUS Come,
I will raise my mask.

PISTHETAERUS Ah! my dear Prometheus! PROMETHEUS Stop! stop! speak lower! PISTHETAERUS Why,
what's the matter,
Prometheus?

PROMETHEUS H'sh! h'sh! Don't call me by my name;
you will be my ruin,
if Zeus should see me here.

But,
if you want me
to tell you how things are going in heaven,
take this umbrella and shield me,
so that the gods don't see me.

PISTHETAERUS I can recognize Prometheus in this cunning trick.

Come,
quick then,
and fear nothing;
speak on.

PROMETHEUS Then listen.

PISTHETAERUS I am listening,
proceed! PROMETHEUS It's all over
with Zeus.

PISTHETAERUS Ah! and since when,
pray?

PROMETHEUS Since you founded this city in the air.

There is not a man who now sacrifices
to the gods;
the smoke of the victims no longer reaches us.

Not the smallest offering comes! We fast as though it were the festival of Demeter.[1] The barbarian gods,
who are dying of hunger,
are bawling like Illyrians[2] and threaten
to make an armed descent upon Zeus,
if he does not open markets where joints of the victims are sold.

f[1] The third day of the festival of Demeter was a fast.

f[2] A semi-savage people,
addicted
to violence and brigandage.

PISTHETAERUS What! there are other gods besides you,
barbarian gods who dwell above Olympus?

PROMETHEUS If there were no barbarian gods,
who would be the patron of Execestides?[1] f[1] Who,
being reputed a stranger despite his pretension
to the title of a citizen,
could only have a strange god
for his patron or tutelary deity.

PISTHETAERUS And what is the name of these gods?

PROMETHEUS Their name?

Why,
the Triballi.[1] f[1] The Triballi were a Thracian people;
it was a term commonly used in Athens
to describe coarse men,
obscene debauchees and greedy parasites.

PISTHETAERUS Ah,
indeed!
'tis from that no doubt that we derive the word
'tribulation.'

[1] f[1] There is a similar pun in the Greek.

PROMETHEUS Most likely.

But one thing I can tell you
for certain,
namely,
that Zeus and the celestial Triballi are going
to send deputies here
to sue
for peace.

Now don't you treat,
unless Zeus restores the sceptre
to the birds and gives you Basileia[1] in marriage.

f[1] i.e.

the
'supremacy'
of Greece,
the real object of the war.

PISTHETAERUS Who is this Basileia?

PROMETHEUS A very fine young damsel,
who makes the lightning
for Zeus;
all things come from her,
wisdom,
good laws,
virtue,
the fleet,
calumnies,
the public paymaster and the triobolus.

PISTHETAERUS Ah! then she is a sort of general manageress
to the god.

PROMETHEUS Yes,
precisely.

If he gives you her
for your wife,
yours will be the almighty power.

That is what I have come
to tell you;
for you know my constant and habitual goodwill towards men.

PISTHETAERUS Oh,
yes!
'tis thanks
to you that we roast our meat.[1] f[1] Prometheus had stolen the fire from the gods
to gratify mankind.

PROMETHEUS I hate the gods,
as you know.

PISTHETAERUS Aye,
by Zeus,
you have always detested them.

PROMETHEUS Towards them I am a veritable Timon;[1] but I must return in all haste,
so give me the umbrella;
if Zeus should see me from up there,
he would think I was escorting one of the Canephori.[2] f[1] A celebrated misanthrope,
contemporary
to Aristophanes.

Hating the society of men,
he had only a single friend,
Apimantus,
to whom he was attached,
because of their similarity of character;
he also liked Alcibiades,
because he foresaw that this young man would be the ruin of his country.

f[2] The Canephori were young maidens,
chosen from the first families of the city,
who carried baskets wreathed
with myrtle at the feast of Athene,
while at those of Bacchus and Demeter they appeared
with gilded baskets.

--The daughters of
'Metics,'
or resident aliens,
walked behind them,
carrying an umbrella and a stool.

PISTHETAERUS Wait,
take this stool as well.

CHORUS Near by the land of the Sciapodes[1] there is a marsh,
from the borders whereof the odious Socrates evokes the souls of men.

Pisander[2] came one day
to see his soul,
which he had left there when still alive.

He offered a little victim,
a camel,[3] slit his throat and,
following the example of Ulysses,
stepped one pace backwards.[4] Then that bat of a Chaerephon[5] came up from hell
to drink the camel's blood.

f[1] According
to Ctesias,
the Sciapodes were a people who dwelt on the borders of the Atlantic.

Their feet were larger than the rest of their bodies,
and
to shield themselves from the sun's rays they held up one of their feet as an umbrella.

--By giving the Socratic philosophers the name of Sciapodes here Aristophanes wishes
to convey that they are walking in the dark and busying themselves
with the greatest nonsense.

f[2] This Pisander was a notorious coward;
for this reason the poet jestingly supposes that he had lost his soul,
the seat of courage.

f[3] Considering the shape and height of the camel,
[it] can certainly not be included in the list of SMALL victims,
e.g.

the sheep and the goat.

f[4] In the evocation of the dead,
Book XI of the Odyssey.

f[5] Chaerephon was given this same title by the Herald earlier in this comedy.

--Aristophanes supposes him
to have come from hell because he is lean and pallid.

POSIDON[1] This is the city of Nephelococcygia,
Cloud-cuckoo-town,
whither we come as ambassadors.

(TO TRIBALLUS)
Hi! what are you up to?

you are throwing your cloak over the left shoulder.

Come,
fling it quick over the right! And why,
pray,
does it draggle in this fashion?

Have you ulcers
to hide like Laespodias?[2] Oh! democracy![3] whither,
oh! whither are you leading us?

Is it possible that the gods have chosen such an envoy?

f[1] Posidon appears on the stage accompanied by Heracles and a Triballian god.

f[2] An Athenian general.

--Neptune is trying
to give Triballus some notions of elegance and good behaviour.

f[3] Aristophanes supposes that democracy is in the ascendant in Olympus as it is in Athens.

TRIBALLUS Leave me alone.

POSIDON Ugh! the cursed savage! you are by far the most barbarous of all the gods.

--Tell me,
Heracles,
what are we going
to do?

HERACLES I have already told you that I want
to strangle the fellow who has dared
to block us in.

POSIDON But,
my friend,
we are envoys of peace.

HERACLES All the more reason why I wish
to strangle him.

PISTHETAERUS Hand me the cheese-grater;
bring me the silphium
for sauce;
pass me the cheese and watch the coals.[1] f[1] He is addressing his servant,
Manes.

HERACLES Mortal! we who greet you are three gods.

PISTHETAERUS Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle.

HERACLES What are these meats?[1] f[1] Heracles softens at sight of the food.

--Heracles is the glutton of the comic poets.

PISTHETAERUS These are birds that have been punished
with death
for attacking the people's friends.

HERACLES And you are seasoning them before answering us?

PISTHETAERUS Ah! Heracles! welcome,
welcome! What's the matter?[1] f[1] He pretends not
to have seen them at first,
being so much engaged
with his cookery.

HERACLES The gods have sent us here as ambassadors
to treat
for peace.

A SERVANT There's no more oil in the flask.

PISTHETAERUS And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted
with it.[1] f[1] He pretends
to forget the presence of the ambassadors.

HERACLES We have no interest
to serve in fighting you;
as
for you,
be friends and we promise that you shall always have rain-water in your pools and the warmest of warm weather.

So far as these points go we are armed
with plenary authority.

PISTHETAERUS We have never been the aggressors,
and even now we are as well disposed
for peace as yourselves,
provided you agree
to one equitable condition,
namely,
that Zeus yield his sceptre
to the birds.

If only this is agreed to,
I invite the ambassadors
to dinner.

HERACLES That's good enough
for me.

I vote
for peace.

POSIDON You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton.

Do you want
to dethrone your own father?

PISTHETAERUS What an error! Why,
the gods will be much more powerful if the birds govern the earth.

At present the mortals are hidden beneath the clouds,
escape your observation,
and commit perjury in your name;
but if you had the birds
for your allies,
and a man,
after having sworn by the crow and Zeus,
should fail
to keep his oath,
the crow would dive down upon him unawares and pluck out his eye.

POSIDON Well thought of,
by Posidon![1] f[1] Posidon jestingly swears by himself.

HERACLES My notion too.

PISTHETAERUS
(TO THE TRIBALLIAN)
And you,
what's your opinion?

TRIBALLUS Nabaisatreu.[1] f[1] The barbarian god utters some gibberish which Pisthetaerus interprets into consent.

PISTHETAERUS D'you see?

he also approves.

But hear another thing in which we can serve you.

If a man vows
to offer a sacrifice
to some god,
and then procrastinates,
pretending that the gods can wait,
and thus does not keep his word,
we shall punish his stinginess.

POSIDON Ah! ah! and how?

PISTHETAERUS While he is counting his money or is in the bath,
a kite will relieve him,
before he knows it,
either in coin or in clothes,
of the value of a couple of sheep,
and carry it
to the god.

HERACLES I vote
for restoring them the sceptre.

POSIDON Ask the Triballian.

HERACLES Hi Triballian,
do you want a thrashing?

TRIBALLUS Saunaka baktarikrousa.

HERACLES He says,
"Right willingly."

POSIDON If that be the opinion of both of you,
why,
I consent too.

HERACLES Very well! we accord the sceptre.

PISTHETAERUS Ah! I was nearly forgetting another condition.

I will leave Here
to Zeus,
but only if the young Basileia is given me in marriage.

POSIDON Then you don't want peace.

Let us withdraw.

PISTHETAERUS It matters mighty little
to me.

Cook,
look
to the gravy.

HERACLES What an odd fellow this Posidon is! Where are you off to?

Are we going
to war about a woman?

POSIDON What else is there
to do?

HERACLES What else?

Why,
conclude peace.

POSIDON Oh! you ninny! do you always want
to be fooled?

Why,
you are seeking your own downfall.

If Zeus were
to die,
after having yielded them the sovereignty,
you would be ruined,
for you are the heir of all the wealth he will leave behind.

PISTHETAERUS Oh! by the gods! how he is cajoling you.

Step aside,
that I may have a word
with you.

Your uncle is getting the better of you,
my poor friend.[1] The law will not allow you an obolus of the paternal property,
for you are a bastard and not a legitimate child.

f[1] Heracles,
the god of strength,
was far from being remarkable in the way of cleverness.

HERACLES I a bastard! What's that you tell me?

PISTHETAERUS Why,
certainly;
are you not born of a stranger woman?

Besides,
is not Athene recognized as Zeus'
sole heiress?

And no daughter would be that,
if she had a legitimate brother.

HERACLES But what if my father wished
to give me his property on his death-bed,
even though I be a bastard?

PISTHETAERUS The law forbids it,
and this same Posidon would be the first
to lay claim
to his wealth,
in virtue of being his legitimate brother.

Listen;
thus runs Solon's law:

"A bastard shall not inherit,
if there are legitimate children;
and if there are no legitimate children,
the property shall pass
to the nearest kin."

[1] f[1] This was Athenian law.

HERACLES And I get nothing whatever of the paternal property?

PISTHETAERUS Absolutely nothing.

But tell me,
has your father had you entered on the registers of his phratria?[1] f[1] The poet attributes
to the gods the same customs as those which governed Athens,
and according
to which no child was looked upon as legitimate unless his father had entered him on the registers of his phratria.

The phratria was a division of the tribe and consisted of thirty families.

HERACLES No,
and I have long been surprised at the omission.

PISTHETAERUS What ails you,
that you should shake your fist at heaven?

Do you want
to fight it?

Why,
be on my side,
I will make you a king and will feed you on bird's milk and honey.

HERACLES Your further condition seems fair
to me.

I cede you the young damsel.

POSIDON But I,
I vote against this opinion.

PISTHETAERUS Then it all depends on the Triballian.

(TO THE TRIBALLIAN.)
What do you say?

TRIBALLUS Big bird give daughter pretty and queen.

HERACLES You say that you give her?

POSIDON Why no,
he does not say anything of the sort,
that he gives her;
else I cannot understand any better than the swallows.

PISTHETAERUS Exactly so.

Does he not say she must be given
to the swallows?

POSIDON Very well! you two arrange the matter;
make peace,
since you wish it so;
I'll hold my tongue.

HERACLES We are of a mind
to grant you all that you ask.

But come up there
with us
to receive Basileia and the celestial bounty.

PISTHETAERUS Here are birds already cut up,
and very suitable
for a nuptial feast.

HERACLES You go and,
if you like,
I will stay here
to roast them.

PISTHETAERUS You
to roast them! you are too much the glutton;
come along
with us.

HERACLES Ah! how well I would have treated myself! PISTHETAERUS Let some[one] bring me a beautiful and magnificent tunic
for the wedding.

CHORUS[1] At Phanae,[2] near the Clepsydra,[3] there dwells a people who have neither faith nor law,
the Englottogastors,[4] who reap,
sow,
pluck the vines and the figs[5]
with their tongues;
they belong
to a barbaric race,
and among them the Philippi and the Gorgiases[6] are
to be found;
'tis these Englottogastorian Philippi who introduced the custom all over Attica of cutting out the tongue separately at sacrifices.[7] f[1] The chorus continues
to tell what it has seen on its flights.

f[2] The harbour of the island of Chios;
but this name is here used in the sense of being the land of informers
([from the Greek for]
'to denounce').

f[3] i.e.

near the orators'
platform,
in the Public Assembly,
or because there stood the water-clock,
by which speeches were limited.

f[4] A coined name,
made up of [the Greek for] the tongue,
and [for] the stomach,
and meaning those who fill their stomach
with what they gain
with their tongues,
to wit,
the orators.

f[5] [The Greek for] a fig forms part of the word which in Greek means an informer.

f[6] Both rhetoricians.

f[7] Because they consecrated it specially
to the god of eloquence.

A MESSENGER Oh,
you,
whose unbounded happiness I cannot express in words,
thrice happy race of airy birds,
receive your king in your fortunate dwellings.

More brilliant than the brightest star that illumes the earth,
he is approaching his glittering golden palace;
the sun itself does not shine
with more dazzling glory.

He is entering
with his bride at his side,[1] whose beauty no human tongue can express;
in his hand he brandishes the lightning,
the winged shaft of Zeus;
perfumes of unspeakable sweetness pervade the ethereal realMs. 'Tis a glorious spectacle
to see the clouds of incense wafting in light whirlwinds before the breath of the Zephyr! But here he is himself.

Divine Muse! let thy sacred lips begin
with songs of happy omen.

f[1] Basileia,
whom he brings back from heaven.

CHORUS Fall back!
to the right!
to the left! advance![1] Fly around this happy mortal,
whom Fortune loads
with her blessings.

Oh! oh! what grace! what beauty! Oh,
marriage so auspicious
for our city! All honour
to this man!
'tis through him that the birds are called
to such glorious destinies.

Let your nuptial hymns,
your nuptial songs,
greet him and his Basileia!
'Twas in the midst of such festivities that the Fates formerly united Olympian Here
to the King who governs the gods from the summit of his inaccessible throne.

Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! Rosy Eros
with the golden wings held the reins and guided the chariot;
'twas he,
who presided over the union of Zeus and the fortunate Here.

Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! f[1] Terms used in regulating a dance.

PISTHETAERUS I am delighted
with your songs,
I applaud your verses.

Now celebrate the thunder that shakes the earth,
the flaming lightning of Zeus and the terrible flashing thunderbolt.

CHORUS Oh,
thou golden flash of the lightning! oh,
ye divine shafts of flame,
that Zeus has hitherto shot forth! Oh,
ye rolling thunders,
that bring down the rain!
'Tis by the order of OUR king that ye shall now stagger the earth! Oh,
Hymen!
'tis through thee that he commands the universe and that he makes Basileia,
whom he has robbed from Zeus,
take her seat at his side.

Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! PISTHETAERUS Let all the winged tribes of our fellow-citizens follow the bridal couple
to the palace of Zeus[1] and
to the nuptial couch! Stretch forth your hands,
my dear wife! Take hold of me by my wings and let us dance;
I am going
to lift you up and carry you through the air.

f[1] Where Pisthetaerus is henceforth
to reign.

CHORUS Oh,
joy! Io Paean! Tralala! victory is thing,
oh,
thou greatest of the gods! End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Birds by Aristophanes