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Title: The Garotters
Author: William D. Howells
Release Date: May, 2002 [Etext #3237]
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THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 3.0
CHAPTER I
Down the Rabbit-Hole
Alice was beginning
to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank,
and of having nothing
to do:
once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading,
but it had no pictures or conversations in it,
`and what is the use of a book,'
thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?'
So she was considering in her own mind
(as well as she could,
for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid),
whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies,
when suddenly a White Rabbit
with pink eyes ran close by her.
There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that;
nor did Alice think it so VERY much out of the way
to hear the Rabbit say
to itself,
`Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!'
(when she thought it over afterwards,
it occurred
to her that she ought
to have wondered at this,
but at the time it all seemed quite natural);
but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT- POCKET,
and looked at it,
and then hurried on,
Alice started
to her feet,
for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit
with either a waistcoat-pocket,
or a watch
to take out of it,
and burning
with curiosity,
she ran across the field after it,
and fortunately was just in time
to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
In another moment down went Alice after it,
never once considering how in the world she was
to get out again.
The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel
for some way,
and then dipped suddenly down,
so suddenly that Alice had not a moment
to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well.
Either the well was very deep,
or she fell very slowly,
for she had plenty of time as she went down
to look about her and
to wonder what was going
to happen next.
First,
she tried
to look down and make out what she was coming to,
but it was too dark
to see anything;
then she looked at the sides of the well,
and noticed that they were filled
with cupboards and book-shelves;
here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs.
She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed;
it was labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE',
but
to her great disappointment it was empty:
she did not like
to drop the jar
for fear of killing somebody,
so managed
to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.
`Well!'
thought Alice
to herself,
`after such a fall as this,
I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs! How brave they'll all think me at home! Why,
I wouldn't say anything about it,
even if I fell off the top of the house!'
(Which was very likely true.)
Down,
down,
down.
Would the fall NEVER come
to an end! `I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?'
she said aloud.
`I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth.
Let me see:
that would be four thousand miles down,
I think--'
(for,
you see,
Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom,
and though this was not a VERY good opportunity
for showing off her knowledge,
as there was no one
to listen
to her,
still it was good practice
to say it over)
`--yes,
that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to?'
(Alice had no idea what Latitude was,
or Longitude either,
but thought they were nice grand words
to say.)
Presently she began again.
`I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the earth! How funny it'll seem
to come out among the people that walk
with their heads downward! The Antipathies,
I think--'
(she was rather glad there WAS no one listening,
this time,
as it didn't sound at all the right word)
`--but I shall have
to ask them what the name of the country is,
you know.
Please,
Ma'am,
is this New Zealand or Australia?'
(and she tried
to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling through the air! Do you think you could manage it?)
`And what an ignorant little girl she'll think me
for asking! No,
it'll never do
to ask:
perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'
Down,
down,
down.
There was nothing else
to do,
so Alice soon began talking again.
`Dinah'll miss me very much to-night,
I should think!'
(Dinah was the cat.)
`I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time.
Dinah my dear! I wish you were down here
with me! There are no mice in the air,
I'm afraid,
but you might catch a bat,
and that's very like a mouse,
you know.
But do cats eat bats,
I wonder?'
And here Alice began
to get rather sleepy,
and went on saying
to herself,
in a dreamy sort of way,
`Do cats eat bats?
Do cats eat bats?'
and sometimes,
`Do bats eat cats?'
for,
you see,
as she couldn't answer either question,
it didn't much matter which way she put it.
She felt that she was dozing off,
and had just begun
to dream that she was walking hand in hand
with Dinah,
and saying
to her very earnestly,
`Now,
Dinah,
tell me the truth:
did you ever eat a bat?'
when suddenly,
thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves,
and the fall was over.
Alice was not a bit hurt,
and she jumped up on
to her feet in a moment:
she looked up,
but it was all dark overhead;
before her was another long passage,
and the White Rabbit was still in sight,
hurrying down it.
There was not a moment
to be lost:
away went Alice like the wind,
and was just in time
to hear it say,
as it turned a corner,
`Oh my ears and whiskers,
how late it's getting!'
She was close behind it when she turned the corner,
but the Rabbit was no longer
to be seen:
she found herself in a long,
low hall,
which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging from the roof.
There were doors all round the hall,
but they were all locked;
and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the other,
trying every door,
she walked sadly down the middle,
wondering how she was ever
to get out again.
Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table,
all made of solid glass;
there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key,
and Alice's first thought was that it might belong
to one of the doors of the hall;
but,
alas! either the locks were too large,
or the key was too small,
but at any rate it would not open any of them.
However,
on the second time round,
she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before,
and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high:
she tried the little golden key in the lock,
and
to her great delight it fitted! Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small passage,
not much larger than a rat-hole:
she knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw.
How she longed
to get out of that dark hall,
and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains,
but she could not even get her head though the doorway;
`and even if my head would go through,'
thought poor Alice,
`it would be of very little use without my shoulders.
Oh,
how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could,
if I only know how
to begin.'
For,
you see,
so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,
that Alice had begun
to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.
There seemed
to be no use in waiting by the little door,
so she went back
to the table,
half hoping she might find another key on it,
or at any rate a book of rules
for shutting people up like telescopes:
this time she found a little bottle on it,
(`which certainly was not here before,'
said Alice,)
and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label,
with the words `DRINK ME'
beautifully printed on it in large letters.
It was all very well
to say `Drink me,'
but the wise little Alice was not going
to do THAT in a hurry.
`No,
I'll look first,'
she said,
`and see whether it's marked
"poison"
or not';
for she had read several nice little histories about children who had got burnt,
and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things,
all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them:
such as,
that a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long;
and that if you cut your finger VERY deeply
with a knife,
it usually bleeds;
and she had never forgotten that,
if you drink much from a bottle marked `poison,'
it is almost certain
to disagree
with you,
sooner or later.
However,
this bottle was NOT marked `poison,'
so Alice ventured
to taste it,
and finding it very nice,
(it had,
in fact,
a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart,
custard,
pine-apple,
roast turkey,
toffee,
and hot buttered toast,)
she very soon finished it off.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * `What a curious feeling!'
said Alice;
`I must be shutting up like a telescope.'
And so it was indeed:
she was now only ten inches high,
and her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size
for going through the little door into that lovely garden.
First,
however,
she waited
for a few minutes
to see if she was going
to shrink any further:
she felt a little nervous about this;
`for it might end,
you know,'
said Alice
to herself,
`in my going out altogether,
like a candle.
I wonder what I should be like then?'
And she tried
to fancy what the flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out,
for she could not remember ever having seen such a thing.
After a while,
finding that nothing more happened,
she decided on going into the garden at once;
but,
alas
for poor Alice! when she got
to the door,
she found she had forgotten the little golden key,
and when she went back
to the table
for it,
she found she could not possibly reach it:
she could see it quite plainly through the glass,
and she tried her best
to climb up one of the legs of the table,
but it was too slippery;
and when she had tired herself out
with trying,
the poor little thing sat down and cried.
`Come,
there's no use in crying like that!'
said Alice
to herself,
rather sharply;
`I advise you
to leave off this minute!'
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it),
and sometimes she scolded herself so severely as
to bring tears into her eyes;
and once she remembered trying
to box her own ears
for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself,
for this curious child was very fond of pretending
to be two people.
`But it's no use now,'
thought poor Alice,
`to pretend
to be two people! Why,
there's hardly enough of me left
to make ONE respectable person!'
Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table:
she opened it,
and found in it a very small cake,
on which the words `EAT ME'
were beautifully marked in currants.
`Well,
I'll eat it,'
said Alice,
`and if it makes me grow larger,
I can reach the key;
and if it makes me grow smaller,
I can creep under the door;
so either way I'll get into the garden,
and I don't care which happens!'
She ate a little bit,
and said anxiously
to herself,
`Which way?
Which way?'
,
holding her hand on the top of her head
to feel which way it was growing,
and she was quite surprised
to find that she remained the same size:
to be sure,
this generally happens when one eats cake,
but Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things
to happen,
that it seemed quite dull and stupid
for life
to go on in the common way.
So she set
to work,
and very soon finished off the cake.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * CHAPTER II The Pool of Tears `Curiouser and curiouser!'
cried Alice
(she was so much surprised,
that
for the moment she quite forgot how
to speak good English);
`now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye,
feet!'
(for when she looked down at her feet,
they seemed
to be almost out of sight,
they were getting so far off).
`Oh,
my poor little feet,
I wonder who will put on your shoes and stockings
for you now,
dears?
I'm sure _I_ shan't be able! I shall be a great deal too far off
to trouble myself about you:
you must manage the best way you can;
--but I must be kind
to them,'
thought Alice,
`or perhaps they won't walk the way I want
to go! Let me see:
I'll give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.'
And she went on planning
to herself how she would manage it.
`They must go by the carrier,'
she thought;
`and how funny it'll seem,
sending presents
to one's own feet! And how odd the directions will look! ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT,
ESQ.
HEARTHRUG,
NEAR THE FENDER,
(WITH ALICE'S LOVE).
Oh dear,
what nonsense I'm talking!'
Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall:
in fact she was now more than nine feet high,
and she at once took up the little golden key and hurried off
to the garden door.
Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do,
lying down on one side,
to look through into the garden
with one eye;
but
to get through was more hopeless than ever:
she sat down and began
to cry again.
`You ought
to be ashamed of yourself,'
said Alice,
`a great girl like you,'
(she might well say this),
`to go on crying in this way! Stop this moment,
I tell you!'
But she went on all the same,
shedding gallons of tears,
until there was a large pool all round her,
about four inches deep and reaching half down the hall.
After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance,
and she hastily dried her eyes
to see what was coming.
It was the White Rabbit returning,
splendidly dressed,
with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the other:
he came trotting along in a great hurry,
muttering
to himself as he came,
`Oh! the Duchess,
the Duchess! Oh! won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!'
Alice felt so desperate that she was ready
to ask help of any one;
so,
when the Rabbit came near her,
she began,
in a low,
timid voice,
`If you please,
sir--'
The Rabbit started violently,
dropped the white kid gloves and the fan,
and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.
Alice took up the fan and gloves,
and,
as the hall was very hot,
she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking:
`Dear,
dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday things went on just as usual.
I wonder if I've been changed in the night?
Let me think:
was I the same when I got up this morning?
I almost think I can remember feeling a little different.
But if I'm not the same,
the next question is,
Who in the world am I?
Ah,
THAT'S the great puzzle!'
And she began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself,
to see if she could have been changed
for any of them.
`I'm sure I'm not Ada,'
she said,
`for her hair goes in such long ringlets,
and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all;
and I'm sure I can't be Mabel,
for I know all sorts of things,
and she,
oh! she knows such a very little! Besides,
SHE'S she,
and I'm I,
and--oh dear,
how puzzling it all is! I'll try if I know all the things I used
to know.
Let me see:
four times five is twelve,
and four times six is thirteen,
and four times seven is--oh dear! I shall never get
to twenty at that rate! However,
the Multiplication Table doesn't signify:
let's try Geography.
London is the capital of Paris,
and Paris is the capital of Rome,
and Rome--no,
THAT'S all wrong,
I'm certain! I must have been changed
for Mabel! I'll try and say
"How doth the little--"'
and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons,
and began
to repeat it,
but her voice sounded hoarse and strange,
and the words did not come the same as they used
to do:-- `How doth the little crocodile Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile On every golden scale! `How cheerfully he seems
to grin,
How neatly spread his claws,
And welcome little fishes in
with gently smiling jaws!'
`I'm sure those are not the right words,'
said poor Alice,
and her eyes filled
with tears again as she went on,
`I must be Mabel after all,
and I shall have
to go and live in that poky little house,
and have next
to no toys
to play with,
and oh! ever so many lessons
to learn! No,
I've made up my mind about it;
if I'm Mabel,
I'll stay down here! It'll be no use their putting their heads down and saying
"Come up again,
dear!"
I shall only look up and say
"Who am I then?
Tell me that first,
and then,
if I like being that person,
I'll come up:
if not,
I'll stay down here till I'm somebody else"--but,
oh dear!'
cried Alice,
with a sudden burst of tears,
`I do wish they WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired of being all alone here!'
As she said this she looked down at her hands,
and was surprised
to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while she was talking.
`How CAN I have done that?'
she thought.
`I must be growing small again.'
She got up and went
to the table
to measure herself by it,
and found that,
as nearly as she could guess,
she was now about two feet high,
and was going on shrinking rapidly:
she soon found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding,
and she dropped it hastily,
just in time
to avoid shrinking away altogether.
`That WAS a narrow escape!'
said Alice,
a good deal frightened at the sudden change,
but very glad
to find herself still in existence;
`and now
for the garden!'
and she ran
with all speed back
to the little door:
but,
alas! the little door was shut again,
and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as before,
`and things are worse than ever,'
thought the poor child,
`for I never was so small as this before,
never! And I declare it's too bad,
that it is!'
As she said these words her foot slipped,
and in another moment,
splash! she was up
to her chin in salt water.
Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea,
`and in that case I can go back by railway,'
she said
to herself.
(Alice had been
to the seaside once in her life,
and had come
to the general conclusion,
that wherever you go
to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the sea,
some children digging in the sand
with wooden spades,
then a row of lodging houses,
and behind them a railway station.)
However,
she soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high.
`I wish I hadn't cried so much!'
said Alice,
as she swam about,
trying
to find her way out.
`I shall be punished
for it now,
I suppose,
by being drowned in my own tears! That WILL be a queer thing,
to be sure! However,
everything is queer to-day.'
Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a little way off,
and she swam nearer
to make out what it was:
at first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus,
but then she remembered how small she was now,
and she soon made out that it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.
`Would it be of any use,
now,'
thought Alice,
`to speak
to this mouse?
Everything is so out-of-the-way down here,
that I should think very likely it can talk:
at any rate,
there's no harm in trying.'
So she began:
`O Mouse,
do you know the way out of this pool?
I am very tired of swimming about here,
O Mouse!'
(Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking
to a mouse:
she had never done such a thing before,
but she remembered having seen in her brother's Latin Grammar,
`A mouse--of a mouse--to a mouse--a mouse--O mouse!'
The Mouse looked at her rather inquisitively,
and seemed
to her
to wink
with one of its little eyes,
but it said nothing.
`Perhaps it doesn't understand English,'
thought Alice;
`I daresay it's a French mouse,
come over
with William the Conqueror.'
(For,
with all her knowledge of history,
Alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.)
So she began again:
`Ou est ma chatte?'
which was the first sentence in her French lesson-book.
The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water,
and seemed
to quiver all over
with fright.
`Oh,
I beg your pardon!'
cried Alice hastily,
afraid that she had hurt the poor animal's feelings.
`I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'
`Not like cats!'
cried the Mouse,
in a shrill,
passionate voice.
`Would YOU like cats if you were me?'
`Well,
perhaps not,'
said Alice in a soothing tone:
`don't be angry about it.
And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah:
I think you'd take a fancy
to cats if you could only see her.
She is such a dear quiet thing,'
Alice went on,
half
to herself,
as she swam lazily about in the pool,
`and she sits purring so nicely by the fire,
licking her paws and washing her face--and she is such a nice soft thing
to nurse--and she's such a capital one
for catching mice--oh,
I beg your pardon!'
cried Alice again,
for this time the Mouse was bristling all over,
and she felt certain it must be really offended.
`We won't talk about her any more if you'd rather not.'
`We indeed!'
cried the Mouse,
who was trembling down
to the end of his tail.
`As if I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED cats:
nasty,
low,
vulgar things! Don't let me hear the name again!'
`I won't indeed!'
said Alice,
in a great hurry
to change the subject of conversation.
`Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?'
The Mouse did not answer,
so Alice went on eagerly:
`There is such a nice little dog near our house I should like
to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier,
you know,
with oh,
such long curly brown hair! And it'll fetch things when you throw them,
and it'll sit up and beg
for its dinner,
and all sorts of things--I can't remember half of them--and it belongs
to a farmer,
you know,
and he says it's so useful,
it's worth a hundred pounds! He says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!'
cried Alice in a sorrowful tone,
`I'm afraid I've offended it again!'
For the Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go,
and making quite a commotion in the pool as it went.
So she called softly after it,
`Mouse dear! Do come back again,
and we won't talk about cats or dogs either,
if you don't like them!'
When the Mouse heard this,
it turned round and swam slowly back
to her:
its face was quite pale
(with passion,
Alice thought),
and it said in a low trembling voice,
`Let us get
to the shore,
and then I'll tell you my history,
and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'
It was high time
to go,
for the pool was getting quite crowded
with the birds and animals that had fallen into it:
there were a Duck and a Dodo,
a Lory and an Eaglet,
and several other curious creatures.
Alice led the way,
and the whole party swam
to the shore.
CHAPTER III A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the bank--the birds
with draggled feathers,
the animals
with their fur clinging close
to them,
and all dripping wet,
cross,
and uncomfortable.
The first question of course was,
how
to get dry again:
they had a consultation about this,
and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural
to Alice
to find herself talking familiarly
with them,
as if she had known them all her life.
Indeed,
she had quite a long argument
with the Lory,
who at last turned sulky,
and would only say,
`I am older than you,
and must know better';
and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was,
and,
as the Lory positively refused
to tell its age,
there was no more
to be said.
At last the Mouse,
who seemed
to be a person of authority among them,
called out,
`Sit down,
all of you,
and listen
to me! I'LL soon make you dry enough!'
They all sat down at once,
in a large ring,
with the Mouse in the middle.
Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it,
for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
`Ahem!'
said the Mouse
with an important air,
`are you all ready?
This is the driest thing I know.
Silence all round,
if you please!
"William the Conqueror,
whose cause was favoured by the pope,
was soon submitted
to by the English,
who wanted leaders,
and had been of late much accustomed
to usurpation and conquest.
Edwin and Morcar,
the earls of Mercia and Northumbria--"'
`Ugh!'
said the Lory,
with a shiver.
`I beg your pardon!'
said the Mouse,
frowning,
but very politely:
`Did you speak?'
`Not I!'
said the Lory hastily.
`I thought you did,'
said the Mouse.
`--I proceed.
"Edwin and Morcar,
the earls of Mercia and Northumbria,
declared
for him:
and even Stigand,
the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury,
found it advisable--"'
`Found WHAT?'
said the Duck.
`Found IT,'
the Mouse replied rather crossly:
`of course you know what
"it"
means.'
`I know what
"it"
means well enough,
when I find a thing,'
said the Duck:
`it's generally a frog or a worm.
The question is,
what did the archbishop find?'
The Mouse did not notice this question,
but hurriedly went on,
`"--found it advisable
to go
with Edgar Atheling
to meet William and offer him the crown.
William's conduct at first was moderate.
But the insolence of his Normans--"
How are you getting on now,
my dear?'
it continued,
turning
to Alice as it spoke.
`As wet as ever,'
said Alice in a melancholy tone:
`it doesn't seem
to dry me at all.'
`In that case,'
said the Dodo solemnly,
rising
to its feet,
`I move that the meeting adjourn,
for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies--'
`Speak English!'
said the Eaglet.
`I don't know the meaning of half those long words,
and,
what's more,
I don't believe you do either!'
And the Eaglet bent down its head
to hide a smile:
some of the other birds tittered audibly.
`What I was going
to say,'
said the Dodo in an offended tone,
`was,
that the best thing
to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'
`What IS a Caucus-race?'
said Alice;
not that she wanted much
to know,
but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought
to speak,
and no one else seemed inclined
to say anything.
`Why,'
said the Dodo,
`the best way
to explain it is
to do it.'
(And,
as you might like
to try the thing yourself,
some winter day,
I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)
First it marked out a race-course,
in a sort of circle,
(`the exact shape doesn't matter,'
it said,)
and then all the party were placed along the course,
here and there.
There was no `One,
two,
three,
and away,'
but they began running when they liked,
and left off when they liked,
so that it was not easy
to know when the race was over.
However,
when they had been running half an hour or so,
and were quite dry again,
the Dodo suddenly called out `The race is over!'
and they all crowded round it,
panting,
and asking,
`But who has won?'
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought,
and it sat
for a long time
with one finger pressed upon its forehead
(the position in which you usually see Shakespeare,
in the pictures of him),
while the rest waited in silence.
At last the Dodo said,
`EVERYBODY has won,
and all must have prizes.'
`But who is
to give the prizes?'
quite a chorus of voices asked.
`Why,
SHE,
of course,'
said the Dodo,
pointing
to Alice
with one finger;
and the whole party at once crowded round her,
calling out in a confused way,
`Prizes! Prizes!'
Alice had no idea what
to do,
and in despair she put her hand in her pocket,
and pulled out a box of comfits,
(luckily the salt water had not got into it),
and handed them round as prizes.
There was exactly one a-piece all round.
`But she must have a prize herself,
you know,'
said the Mouse.
`Of course,'
the Dodo replied very gravely.
`What else have you got in your pocket?'
he went on,
turning
to Alice.
`Only a thimble,'
said Alice sadly.
`Hand it over here,'
said the Dodo.
Then they all crowded round her once more,
while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble,
saying `We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble';
and,
when it had finished this short speech,
they all cheered.
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd,
but they all looked so grave that she did not dare
to laugh;
and,
as she could not think of anything
to say,
she simply bowed,
and took the thimble,
looking as solemn as she could.
The next thing was
to eat the comfits:
this caused some noise and confusion,
as the large birds complained that they could not taste theirs,
and the small ones choked and had
to be patted on the back.
However,
it was over at last,
and they sat down again in a ring,
and begged the Mouse
to tell them something more.
`You promised
to tell me your history,
you know,'
said Alice,
`and why it is you hate--C and D,'
she added in a whisper,
half afraid that it would be offended again.
`Mine is a long and a sad tale!'
said the Mouse,
turning
to Alice,
and sighing.
`It IS a long tail,
certainly,'
said Alice,
looking down
with wonder at the Mouse's tail;
`but why do you call it sad?'
And she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking,
so that her idea of the tale was something like this:-- `Fury said
to a mouse,
That he met in the house,
"Let us both go
to law:
I will prosecute YOU.
--Come,
I'll take no denial;
We must have a trial:
For really this morning I've nothing
to do."
Said the mouse
to the cur,
"Such a trial,
dear Sir,
With no jury or judge,
would be wasting our breath."
"I'll be judge,
I'll be jury,"
Said cunning old Fury:
"I'll try the whole cause,
and condemn you
to death."
'
`You are not attending!'
said the Mouse
to Alice severely.
`What are you thinking of?'
`I beg your pardon,'
said Alice very humbly:
`you had got
to the fifth bend,
I think?'
`I had NOT!'
cried the Mouse,
sharply and very angrily.
`A knot!'
said Alice,
always ready
to make herself useful,
and looking anxiously about her.
`Oh,
do let me help
to undo it!'
`I shall do nothing of the sort,'
said the Mouse,
getting up and walking away.
`You insult me by talking such nonsense!'
`I didn't mean it!'
pleaded poor Alice.
`But you're so easily offended,
you know!'
The Mouse only growled in reply.
`Please come back and finish your story!'
Alice called after it;
and the others all joined in chorus,
`Yes,
please do!'
but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently,
and walked a little quicker.
`What a pity it wouldn't stay!'
sighed the Lory,
as soon as it was quite out of sight;
and an old Crab took the opportunity of saying
to her daughter `Ah,
my dear! Let this be a lesson
to you never
to lose YOUR temper!'
`Hold your tongue,
Ma!'
said the young Crab,
a little snappishly.
`You're enough
to try the patience of an oyster!'
`I wish I had our Dinah here,
I know I do!'
said Alice aloud,
addressing nobody in particular.
`She'd soon fetch it back!'
`And who is Dinah,
if I might venture
to ask the question?'
said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly,
for she was always ready
to talk about her pet:
`Dinah's our cat.
And she's such a capital one
for catching mice you can't think! And oh,
I wish you could see her after the birds! Why,
she'll eat a little bird as soon as look at it!'
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party.
Some of the birds hurried off at once:
one old Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully,
remarking,
`I really must be getting home;
the night-air doesn't suit my throat!'
and a Canary called out in a trembling voice
to its children,
`Come away,
my dears! It's high time you were all in bed!'
On various pretexts they all moved off,
and Alice was soon left alone.
`I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!'
she said
to herself in a melancholy tone.
`Nobody seems
to like her,
down here,
and I'm sure she's the best cat in the world! Oh,
my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!'
And here poor Alice began
to cry again,
for she felt very lonely and low-spirited.
In a little while,
however,
she again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance,
and she looked up eagerly,
half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind,
and was coming back
to finish his story.
CHAPTER IV The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill It was the White Rabbit,
trotting slowly back again,
and looking anxiously about as it went,
as if it had lost something;
and she heard it muttering
to itself `The Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! She'll get me executed,
as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them,
I wonder?'
Alice guessed in a moment that it was looking
for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves,
and she very good-naturedly began hunting about
for them,
but they were nowhere
to be seen--everything seemed
to have changed since her swim in the pool,
and the great hall,
with the glass table and the little door,
had vanished completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice,
as she went hunting about,
and called out
to her in an angry tone,
`Why,
Mary Ann,
what ARE you doing out here?
Run home this moment,
and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick,
now!'
And Alice was so much frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to,
without trying
to explain the mistake it had made.
`He took me
for his housemaid,'
she said
to herself as she ran.
`How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him his fan and gloves--that is,
if I can find them.'
As she said this,
she came upon a neat little house,
on the door of which was a bright brass plate
with the name `W.
RABBIT'
engraved upon it.
She went in without knocking,
and hurried upstairs,
in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann,
and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and gloves.
`How queer it seems,'
Alice said
to herself,
`to be going messages
for a rabbit! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on messages next!'
And she began fancying the sort of thing that would happen:
`"Miss Alice! Come here directly,
and get ready
for your walk!"
"Coming in a minute,
nurse! But I've got
to see that the mouse doesn't get out."
Only I don't think,'
Alice went on,
`that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering people about like that!'
By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room
with a table in the window,
and on it
(as she had hoped)
a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves:
she took up the fan and a pair of the gloves,
and was just going
to leave the room,
when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking- glass.
There was no label this time
with the words `DRINK ME,'
but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it
to her lips.
`I know SOMETHING interesting is sure
to happen,'
she said
to herself,
`whenever I eat or drink anything;
so I'll just see what this bottle does.
I do hope it'll make me grow large again,
for really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'
It did so indeed,
and much sooner than she had expected:
before she had drunk half the bottle,
she found her head pressing against the ceiling,
and had
to stoop
to save her neck from being broken.
She hastily put down the bottle,
saying
to herself `That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is,
I can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so much!'
Alas! it was too late
to wish that! She went on growing,
and growing,
and very soon had
to kneel down on the floor:
in another minute there was not even room
for this,
and she tried the effect of lying down
with one elbow against the door,
and the other arm curled round her head.
Still she went on growing,
and,
as a last resource,
she put one arm out of the window,
and one foot up the chimney,
and said
to herself `Now I can do no more,
whatever happens.
What WILL become of me?'
Luckily
for Alice,
the little magic bottle had now had its full effect,
and she grew no larger:
still it was very uncomfortable,
and,
as there seemed
to be no sort of chance of her ever getting out of the room again,
no wonder she felt unhappy.
`It was much pleasanter at home,'
thought poor Alice,
`when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller,
and being ordered about by mice and rabbits.
I almost wish I hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious,
you know,
this sort of life! I do wonder what CAN have happened
to me! When I used
to read fairy-tales,
I fancied that kind of thing never happened,
and now here I am in the middle of one! There ought
to be a book written about me,
that there ought! And when I grow up,
I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,'
she added in a sorrowful tone;
`at least there's no room
to grow up any more HERE.'
`But then,'
thought Alice,
`shall I NEVER get any older than I am now?
That'll be a comfort,
one way--never
to be an old woman-- but then--always
to have lessons
to learn! Oh,
I shouldn't like THAT!'
`Oh,
you foolish Alice!'
she answered herself.
`How can you learn lessons in here?
Why,
there's hardly room
for YOU,
and no room at all
for any lesson-books!'
And so she went on,
taking first one side and then the other,
and making quite a conversation of it altogether;
but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside,
and stopped
to listen.
`Mary Ann! Mary Ann!'
said the voice.
`Fetch me my gloves this moment!'
Then came a little pattering of feet on the stairs.
Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming
to look
for her,
and she trembled till she shook the house,
quite forgetting that she was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit,
and had no reason
to be afraid of it.
Presently the Rabbit came up
to the door,
and tried
to open it;
but,
as the door opened inwards,
and Alice's elbow was pressed hard against it,
that attempt proved a failure.
Alice heard it say
to itself `Then I'll go round and get in at the window.'
`THAT you won't'
thought Alice,
and,
after waiting till she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window,
she suddenly spread out her hand,
and made a snatch in the air.
She did not get hold of anything,
but she heard a little shriek and a fall,
and a crash of broken glass,
from which she concluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame,
or something of the sort.
Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--`Pat! Pat! Where are you?'
And then a voice she had never heard before,
`Sure then I'm here! Digging
for apples,
yer honour!'
`Digging
for apples,
indeed!'
said the Rabbit angrily.
`Here! Come and help me out of THIS!'
(Sounds of more broken glass.)
`Now tell me,
Pat,
what's that in the window?'
`Sure,
it's an arm,
yer honour!'
(He pronounced it `arrum.'
)
`An arm,
you goose! Who ever saw one that size?
Why,
it fills the whole window!'
`Sure,
it does,
yer honour:
but it's an arm
for all that.'
`Well,
it's got no business there,
at any rate:
go and take it away!'
There was a long silence after this,
and Alice could only hear whispers now and then;
such as,
`Sure,
I don't like it,
yer honour,
at all,
at all!'
`Do as I tell you,
you coward!'
and at last she spread out her hand again,
and made another snatch in the air.
This time there were TWO little shrieks,
and more sounds of broken glass.
`What a number of cucumber-frames there must be!'
thought Alice.
`I wonder what they'll do next! As
for pulling me out of the window,
I only wish they COULD! I'm sure I don't want
to stay in here any longer!'
She waited
for some time without hearing anything more:
at last came a rumbling of little cartwheels,
and the sound of a good many voices all talking together:
she made out the words:
`Where's the other ladder?--Why,
I hadn't
to bring but one;
Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here,
lad!--Here,
put
'em up at this corner--No,
tie
'em together first--they don't reach half high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough;
don't be particular-- Here,
Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind that loose slate--Oh,
it's coming down! Heads below!'
(a loud crash)--`Now,
who did that?--It was Bill,
I fancy--Who's
to go down the chimney?--Nay,
I shan't! YOU do it!--That I won't,
then!--Bill's
to go down--Here,
Bill! the master says you're
to go down the chimney!'
`Oh! So Bill's got
to come down the chimney,
has he?'
said Alice
to herself.
`Shy,
they seem
to put everything upon Bill! I wouldn't be in Bill's place
for a good deal:
this fireplace is narrow,
to be sure;
but I THINK I can kick a little!'
She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could,
and waited till she heard a little animal
(she couldn't guess of what sort it was)
scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close above her:
then,
saying
to herself `This is Bill,'
she gave one sharp kick,
and waited
to see what would happen next.
The first thing she heard was a general chorus of `There goes Bill!'
then the Rabbit's voice along--`Catch him,
you by the hedge!'
then silence,
and then another confusion of voices--`Hold up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it,
old fellow?
What happened
to you?
Tell us all about it!'
Last came a little feeble,
squeaking voice,
(`That's Bill,'
thought Alice,)
`Well,
I hardly know--No more,
thank ye;
I'm better now--but I'm a deal too flustered
to tell you--all I know is,
something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box,
and up I goes like a sky-rocket!'
`So you did,
old fellow!'
said the others.
`We must burn the house down!'
said the Rabbit's voice;
and Alice called out as loud as she could,
`If you do.
I'll set Dinah at you!'
There was a dead silence instantly,
and Alice thought
to herself,
`I wonder what they WILL do next! If they had any sense,
they'd take the roof off.'
After a minute or two,
they began moving about again,
and Alice heard the Rabbit say,
`A barrowful will do,
to begin with.'
`A barrowful of WHAT?'
thought Alice;
but she had not long
to doubt,
for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the window,
and some of them hit her in the face.
`I'll put a stop
to this,'
she said
to herself,
and shouted out,
`You'd better not do that again!'
which produced another dead silence.
Alice noticed
with some surprise that the pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor,
and a bright idea came into her head.
`If I eat one of these cakes,'
she thought,
`it's sure
to make SOME change in my size;
and as it can't possibly make me larger,
it must make me smaller,
I suppose.'
So she swallowed one of the cakes,
and was delighted
to find that she began shrinking directly.
As soon as she was small enough
to get through the door,
she ran out of the house,
and found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside.
The poor little Lizard,
Bill,
was in the middle,
being held up by two guinea-pigs,
who were giving it something out of a bottle.
They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared;
but she ran off as hard as she could,
and soon found herself safe in a thick wood.
`The first thing I've got
to do,'
said Alice
to herself,
as she wandered about in the wood,
`is
to grow
to my right size again;
and the second thing is
to find my way into that lovely garden.
I think that will be the best plan.'
It sounded an excellent plan,
no doubt,
and very neatly and simply arranged;
the only difficulty was,
that she had not the smallest idea how
to set about it;
and while she was peering about anxiously among the trees,
a little sharp bark just over her head made her look up in a great hurry.
An enormous puppy was looking down at her
with large round eyes,
and feebly stretching out one paw,
trying
to touch her.
`Poor little thing!'
said Alice,
in a coaxing tone,
and she tried hard
to whistle
to it;
but she was terribly frightened all the time at the thought that it might be hungry,
in which case it would be very likely
to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.
Hardly knowing what she did,
she picked up a little bit of stick,
and held it out
to the puppy;
whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once,
with a yelp of delight,
and rushed at the stick,
and made believe
to worry it;
then Alice dodged behind a great thistle,
to keep herself from being run over;
and the moment she appeared on the other side,
the puppy made another rush at the stick,
and tumbled head over heels in its hurry
to get hold of it;
then Alice,
thinking it was very like having a game of play
with a cart-horse,
and expecting every moment
to be trampled under its feet,
ran round the thistle again;
then the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick,
running a very little way forwards each time and a long way back,
and barking hoarsely all the while,
till at last it sat down a good way off,
panting,
with its tongue hanging out of its mouth,
and its great eyes half shut.
This seemed
to Alice a good opportunity
for making her escape;
so she set off at once,
and ran till she was quite tired and out of breath,
and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the distance.
`And yet what a dear little puppy it was!'
said Alice,
as she leant against a buttercup
to rest herself,
and fanned herself
with one of the leaves:
`I should have liked teaching it tricks very much,
if--if I'd only been the right size
to do it! Oh dear! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got
to grow up again! Let me see--how IS it
to be managed?
I suppose I ought
to eat or drink something or other;
but the great question is,
what?'
The great question certainly was,
what?
Alice looked all round her at the flowers and the blades of grass,
but she did not see anything that looked like the right thing
to eat or drink under the circumstances.
There was a large mushroom growing near her,
about the same height as herself;
and when she had looked under it,
and on both sides of it,
and behind it,
it occurred
to her that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it.
She stretched herself up on tiptoe,
and peeped over the edge of the mushroom,
and her eyes immediately met those of a large caterpillar,
that was sitting on the top
with its arms folded,
quietly smoking a long hookah,
and taking not the smallest notice of her or of anything else.
CHAPTER V Advice from a Caterpillar The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other
for some time in silence:
at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth,
and addressed her in a languid,
sleepy voice.
`Who are YOU?'
said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening
for a conversation.
Alice replied,
rather shyly,
`I--I hardly know,
sir,
just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning,
but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'
`What do you mean by that?'
said the Caterpillar sternly.
`Explain yourself!'
`I can't explain MYSELF,
I'm afraid,
sir'
said Alice,
`because I'm not myself,
you see.'
`I don't see,'
said the Caterpillar.
`I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,'
Alice replied very politely,
`for I can't understand it myself
to begin with;
and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.'
`It isn't,'
said the Caterpillar.
`Well,
perhaps you haven't found it so yet,'
said Alice;
`but when you have
to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day,
you know--and then after that into a butterfly,
I should think you'll feel it a little queer,
won't you?'
`Not a bit,'
said the Caterpillar.
`Well,
perhaps your feelings may be different,'
said Alice;
`all I know is,
it would feel very queer
to ME.'
`You!'
said the Caterpillar contemptuously.
`Who are YOU?'
Which brought them back again
to the beginning of the conversation.
Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such VERY short remarks,
and she drew herself up and said,
very gravely,
`I think,
you ought
to tell me who YOU are,
first.'
`Why?'
said the Caterpillar.
Here was another puzzling question;
and as Alice could not think of any good reason,
and as the Caterpillar seemed
to be in a VERY unpleasant state of mind,
she turned away.
`Come back!'
the Caterpillar called after her.
`I've something important
to say!'
This sounded promising,
certainly:
Alice turned and came back again.
`Keep your temper,'
said the Caterpillar.
`Is that all?'
said Alice,
swallowing down her anger as well as she could.
`No,'
said the Caterpillar.
Alice thought she might as well wait,
as she had nothing else
to do,
and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing.
For some minutes it puffed away without speaking,
but at last it unfolded its arms,
took the hookah out of its mouth again,
and said,
`So you think you're changed,
do you?'
`I'm afraid I am,
sir,'
said Alice;
`I can't remember things as I used--and I don't keep the same size
for ten minutes together!'
`Can't remember WHAT things?'
said the Caterpillar.
`Well,
I've tried
to say
"HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE,"
but it all came different!'
Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.
`Repeat,
"YOU ARE OLD,
FATHER WILLIAM,"'
said the Caterpillar.
Alice folded her hands,
and began:-- `You are old,
Father William,'
the young man said,
`And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head-- Do you think,
at your age,
it is right?'
`In my youth,'
Father William replied
to his son,
`I feared it might injure the brain;
But,
now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why,
I do it again and again.'
`You are old,'
said the youth,
`as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door-- Pray,
what is the reason of that?'
`In my youth,'
said the sage,
as he shook his grey locks,
`I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box-- Allow me
to sell you a couple?'
`You are old,'
said the youth,
`and your jaws are too weak
for anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose,
with the bones and the beak-- Pray how did you manage
to do it?'
`In my youth,'
said his father,
`I took
to the law,
And argued each case
with my wife;
And the muscular strength,
which it gave
to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.'
`You are old,'
said the youth,
`one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose-- What made you so awfully clever?'
`I have answered three questions,
and that is enough,'
Said his father;
`don't give yourself airs! Do you think I can listen all day
to such stuff?
Be off,
or I'll kick you down stairs!'
`That is not said right,'
said the Caterpillar.
`Not QUITE right,
I'm afraid,'
said Alice,
timidly;
`some of the words have got altered.'
`It is wrong from beginning
to end,'
said the Caterpillar decidedly,
and there was silence
for some minutes.
The Caterpillar was the first
to speak.
`What size do you want
to be?'
it asked.
`Oh,
I'm not particular as
to size,'
Alice hastily replied;
`only one doesn't like changing so often,
you know.'
`I DON'T know,'
said the Caterpillar.
Alice said nothing:
she had never been so much contradicted in her life before,
and she felt that she was losing her temper.
`Are you content now?'
said the Caterpillar.
`Well,
I should like
to be a LITTLE larger,
sir,
if you wouldn't mind,'
said Alice:
`three inches is such a wretched height
to be.'
`It is a very good height indeed!'
said the Caterpillar angrily,
rearing itself upright as it spoke
(it was exactly three inches high).
`But I'm not used
to it!'
pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone.
And she thought of herself,
`I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended!'
`You'll get used
to it in time,'
said the Caterpillar;
and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.
This time Alice waited patiently until it chose
to speak again.
In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice,
and shook itself.
Then it got down off the mushroom,
and crawled away in the grass,
merely remarking as it went,
`One side will make you grow taller,
and the other side will make you grow shorter.'
`One side of WHAT?
The other side of WHAT?'
thought Alice
to herself.
`Of the mushroom,'
said the Caterpillar,
just as if she had asked it aloud;
and in another moment it was out of sight.
Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom
for a minute,
trying
to make out which were the two sides of it;
and as it was perfectly round,
she found this a very difficult question.
However,
at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would go,
and broke off a bit of the edge
with each hand.
`And now which is which?'
she said
to herself,
and nibbled a little of the right-hand bit
to try the effect:
the next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin:
it had struck her foot! She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change,
but she felt that there was no time
to be lost,
as she was shrinking rapidly;
so she set
to work at once
to eat some of the other bit.
Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot,
that there was hardly room
to open her mouth;
but she did it at last,
and managed
to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * `Come,
my head's free at last!'
said Alice in a tone of delight,
which changed into alarm in another moment,
when she found that her shoulders were nowhere
to be found:
all she could see,
when she looked down,
was an immense length of neck,
which seemed
to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay far below her.
`What CAN all that green stuff be?'
said Alice.
`And where HAVE my shoulders got to?
And oh,
my poor hands,
how is it I can't see you?'
She was moving them about as she spoke,
but no result seemed
to follow,
except a little shaking among the distant green leaves.
As there seemed
to be no chance of getting her hands up
to her head,
she tried
to get her head down
to them,
and was delighted
to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction,
like a serpent.
She had just succeeded in curving it down into a graceful zigzag,
and was going
to dive in among the leaves,
which she found
to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she had been wandering,
when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry:
a large pigeon had flown into her face,
and was beating her violently
with its wings.
`Serpent!'
screamed the Pigeon.
`I'm NOT a serpent!'
said Alice indignantly.
`Let me alone!'
`Serpent,
I say again!'
repeated the Pigeon,
but in a more subdued tone,
and added
with a kind of sob,
`I've tried every way,
and nothing seems
to suit them!'
`I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,'
said Alice.
`I've tried the roots of trees,
and I've tried banks,
and I've tried hedges,'
the Pigeon went on,
without attending
to her;
`but those serpents! There's no pleasing them!'
Alice was more and more puzzled,
but she thought there was no use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.
`As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,'
said the Pigeon;
`but I must be on the look-out
for serpents night and day! Why,
I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'
`I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,'
said Alice,
who was beginning
to see its meaning.
`And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,'
continued the Pigeon,
raising its voice
to a shriek,
`and just as I was thinking I should be free of them at last,
they must needs come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh,
Serpent!'
`But I'm NOT a serpent,
I tell you!'
said Alice.
`I'm a--I'm a--'
`Well! WHAT are you?'
said the Pigeon.
`I can see you're trying
to invent something!'
`I--I'm a little girl,'
said Alice,
rather doubtfully,
as she remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day.
`A likely story indeed!'
said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt.
`I've seen a good many little girls in my time,
but never ONE
with such a neck as that! No,
no! You're a serpent;
and there's no use denying it.
I suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!'
`I HAVE tasted eggs,
certainly,'
said Alice,
who was a very truthful child;
`but little girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do,
you know.'
`I don't believe it,'
said the Pigeon;
`but if they do,
why then they're a kind of serpent,
that's all I can say.'
This was such a new idea
to Alice,
that she was quite silent
for a minute or two,
which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of adding,
`You're looking
for eggs,
I know THAT well enough;
and what does it matter
to me whether you're a little girl or a serpent?'
`It matters a good deal
to ME,'
said Alice hastily;
`but I'm not looking
for eggs,
as it happens;
and if I was,
I shouldn't want YOURS:
I don't like them raw.'
`Well,
be off,
then!'
said the Pigeon in a sulky tone,
as it settled down again into its nest.
Alice crouched down among the trees as well as she could,
for her neck kept getting entangled among the branches,
and every now and then she had
to stop and untwist it.
After a while she remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands,
and she set
to work very carefully,
nibbling first at one and then at the other,
and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter,
until she had succeeded in bringing herself down
to her usual height.
It was so long since she had been anything near the right size,
that it felt quite strange at first;
but she got used
to it in a few minutes,
and began talking
to herself,
as usual.
`Come,
there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going
to be,
from one minute
to another! However,
I've got back
to my right size:
the next thing is,
to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that
to be done,
I wonder?'
As she said this,
she came suddenly upon an open place,
with a little house in it about four feet high.
`Whoever lives there,'
thought Alice,
`it'll never do
to come upon them THIS size:
why,
I should frighten them out of their wits!'
So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again,
and did not venture
to go near the house till she had brought herself down
to nine inches high.
CHAPTER VI Pig and Pepper
for a minute or two she stood looking at the house,
and wondering what
to do next,
when suddenly a footman in livery came running out of the wood--(she considered him
to be a footman because he was in livery:
otherwise,
judging by his face only,
she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door
with his knuckles.
It was opened by another footman in livery,
with a round face,
and large eyes like a frog;
and both footmen,
Alice noticed,
had powdered hair that curled all over their heads.
She felt very curious
to know what it was all about,
and crept a little way out of the wood
to listen.
The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter,
nearly as large as himself,
and this he handed over
to the other,
saying,
in a solemn tone,
`For the Duchess.
An invitation from the Queen
to play croquet.'
The Frog-Footman repeated,
in the same solemn tone,
only changing the order of the words a little,
`From the Queen.
An invitation
for the Duchess
to play croquet.'
Then they both bowed low,
and their curls got entangled together.
Alice laughed so much at this,
that she had
to run back into the wood
for fear of their hearing her;
and when she next peeped out the Fish-Footman was gone,
and the other was sitting on the ground near the door,
staring stupidly up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up
to the door,
and knocked.
`There's no sort of use in knocking,'
said the Footman,
`and that
for two reasons.
First,
because I'm on the same side of the door as you are;
secondly,
because they're making such a noise inside,
no one could possibly hear you.'
And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling and sneezing,
and every now and then a great crash,
as if a dish or kettle had been broken
to pieces.
`Please,
then,'
said Alice,
`how am I
to get in?'
`There might be some sense in your knocking,'
the Footman went on without attending
to her,
`if we had the door between us.
For instance,
if you were INSIDE,
you might knock,
and I could let you out,
you know.'
He was looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking,
and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil.
`But perhaps he can't help it,'
she said
to herself;
`his eyes are so VERY nearly at the top of his head.
But at any rate he might answer questions.--How am I
to get in?'
she repeated,
aloud.
`I shall sit here,'
the Footman remarked,
`till tomorrow--'
At this moment the door of the house opened,
and a large plate came skimming out,
straight at the Footman's head:
it just grazed his nose,
and broke
to pieces against one of the trees behind him.
`--or next day,
maybe,'
the Footman continued in the same tone,
exactly as if nothing had happened.
`How am I
to get in?'
asked Alice again,
in a louder tone.
`ARE you
to get in at all?'
said the Footman.
`That's the first question,
you know.'
It was,
no doubt:
only Alice did not like
to be told so.
`It's really dreadful,'
she muttered
to herself,
`the way all the creatures argue.
It's enough
to drive one crazy!'
The Footman seemed
to think this a good opportunity
for repeating his remark,
with variations.
`I shall sit here,'
he said,
`on and off,
for days and days.'
`But what am I
to do?'
said Alice.
`Anything you like,'
said the Footman,
and began whistling.
`Oh,
there's no use in talking
to him,'
said Alice desperately:
`he's perfectly idiotic!'
And she opened the door and went in.
The door led right into a large kitchen,
which was full of smoke from one end
to the other:
the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle,
nursing a baby;
the cook was leaning over the fire,
stirring a large cauldron which seemed
to be full of soup.
`There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!'
Alice said
to herself,
as well as she could
for sneezing.
There was certainly too much of it in the air.
Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally;
and as
for the baby,
it was sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause.
The only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze,
were the cook,
and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear
to ear.
`Please would you tell me,'
said Alice,
a little timidly,
for she was not quite sure whether it was good manners
for her
to speak first,
`why your cat grins like that?'
`It's a Cheshire cat,'
said the Duchess,
`and that's why.
Pig!'
She said the last word
with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped;
but she saw in another moment that it was addressed
to the baby,
and not
to her,
so she took courage,
and went on again:-- `I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned;
in fact,
I didn't know that cats COULD grin.'
`They all can,'
said the Duchess;
`and most of
'em do.'
`I don't know of any that do,'
Alice said very politely,
feeling quite pleased
to have got into a conversation.
`You don't know much,'
said the Duchess;
`and that's a fact.'
Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark,
and thought it would be as well
to introduce some other subject of conversation.
While she was trying
to fix on one,
the cook took the cauldron of soup off the fire,
and at once set
to work throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby --the fire-irons came first;
then followed a shower of saucepans,
plates,
and dishes.
The Duchess took no notice of them even when they hit her;
and the baby was howling so much already,
that it was quite impossible
to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
`Oh,
PLEASE mind what you're doing!'
cried Alice,
jumping up and down in an agony of terror.
`Oh,
there goes his PRECIOUS nose';
as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it,
and very nearly carried it off.
`If everybody minded their own business,'
the Duchess said in a hoarse growl,
`the world would go round a deal faster than it does.'
`Which would NOT be an advantage,'
said Alice,
who felt very glad
to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her knowledge.
`Just think of what work it would make
with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours
to turn round on its axis--'
`Talking of axes,'
said the Duchess,
`chop off her head!'
Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook,
to see if she meant
to take the hint;
but the cook was busily stirring the soup,
and seemed not
to be listening,
so she went on again:
`Twenty-four hours,
I THINK;
or is it twelve?
I--'
`Oh,
don't bother ME,'
said the Duchess;
`I never could abide figures!'
And
with that she began nursing her child again,
singing a sort of lullaby
to it as she did so,
and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line:
`Speak roughly
to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it
to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.'
CHORUS.
(In which the cook and the baby joined):-- `Wow! wow! wow!'
While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song,
she kept tossing the baby violently up and down,
and the poor little thing howled so,
that Alice could hardly hear the words:-- `I speak severely
to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy The pepper when he pleases!'
CHORUS.
`Wow! wow! wow!'
`Here! you may nurse it a bit,
if you like!'
the Duchess said
to Alice,
flinging the baby at her as she spoke.
`I must go and get ready
to play croquet
with the Queen,'
and she hurried out of the room.
The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out,
but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby
with some difficulty,
as it was a queer- shaped little creature,
and held out its arms and legs in all directions,
`just like a star-fish,'
thought Alice.
The poor little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it,
and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again,
so that altogether,
for the first minute or two,
it was as much as she could do
to hold it.
As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it,
(which was
to twist it up into a sort of knot,
and then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot,
so as
to prevent its undoing itself,)
she carried it out into the open air.
`IF I don't take this child away
with me,'
thought Alice,
`they're sure
to kill it in a day or two:
wouldn't it be murder
to leave it behind?'
She said the last words out loud,
and the little thing grunted in reply
(it had left off sneezing by this time).
`Don't grunt,'
said Alice;
`that's not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.'
The baby grunted again,
and Alice looked very anxiously into its face
to see what was the matter
with it.
There could be no doubt that it had a VERY turn-up nose,
much more like a snout than a real nose;
also its eyes were getting extremely small
for a baby:
altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at all.
`But perhaps it was only sobbing,'
she thought,
and looked into its eyes again,
to see if there were any tears.
No,
there were no tears.
`If you're going
to turn into a pig,
my dear,'
said Alice,
seriously,
`I'll have nothing more
to do
with you.
Mind now!'
The poor little thing sobbed again
(or grunted,
it was impossible
to say which),
and they went on
for some while in silence.
Alice was just beginning
to think
to herself,
`Now,
what am I
to do
with this creature when I get it home?'
when it grunted again,
so violently,
that she looked down into its face in some alarm.
This time there could be NO mistake about it:
it was neither more nor less than a pig,
and she felt that it would be quite absurd
for her
to carry it further.
So she set the little creature down,
and felt quite relieved
to see it trot away quietly into the wood.
`If it had grown up,'
she said
to herself,
`it would have made a dreadfully ugly child:
but it makes rather a handsome pig,
I think.'
And she began thinking over other children she knew,
who might do very well as pigs,
and was just saying
to herself,
`if one only knew the right way
to change them--'
when she was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice.
It looked good- natured,
she thought:
still it had VERY long claws and a great many teeth,
so she felt that it ought
to be treated
with respect.
`Cheshire Puss,'
she began,
rather timidly,
as she did not at all know whether it would like the name:
however,
it only grinned a little wider.
`Come,
it's pleased so far,'
thought Alice,
and she went on.
`Would you tell me,
please,
which way I ought
to go from here?'
`That depends a good deal on where you want
to get to,'
said the Cat.
`I don't much care where--'
said Alice.
`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,'
said the Cat.
`--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,'
Alice added as an explanation.
`Oh,
you're sure
to do that,'
said the Cat,
`if you only walk long enough.'
Alice felt that this could not be denied,
so she tried another question.
`What sort of people live about here?'
`In THAT direction,'
the Cat said,
waving its right paw round,
`lives a Hatter:
and in THAT direction,'
waving the other paw,
`lives a March Hare.
Visit either you like:
they're both mad.'
`But I don't want
to go among mad people,'
Alice remarked.
`Oh,
you can't help that,'
said the Cat:
`we're all mad here.
I'm mad.
You're mad.'
`How do you know I'm mad?'
said Alice.
`You must be,'
said the Cat,
`or you wouldn't have come here.'
Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
however,
she went on `And how do you know that you're mad?'
`To begin with,'
said the Cat,
`a dog's not mad.
You grant that?'
`I suppose so,'
said Alice.
`Well,
then,'
the Cat went on,
`you see,
a dog growls when it's angry,
and wags its tail when it's pleased.
Now I growl when I'm pleased,
and wag my tail when I'm angry.
Therefore I'm mad.'
`I call it purring,
not growling,'
said Alice.
`Call it what you like,'
said the Cat.
`Do you play croquet
with the Queen to-day?'
`I should like it very much,'
said Alice,
`but I haven't been invited yet.'
`You'll see me there,'
said the Cat,
and vanished.
Alice was not much surprised at this,
she was getting so used
to queer things happening.
While she was looking at the place where it had been,
it suddenly appeared again.
`By-the-bye,
what became of the baby?'
said the Cat.
`I'd nearly forgotten
to ask.'
`It turned into a pig,'
Alice quietly said,
just as if it had come back in a natural way.
`I thought it would,'
said the Cat,
and vanished again.
Alice waited a little,
half expecting
to see it again,
but it did not appear,
and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the March Hare was said
to live.
`I've seen hatters before,'
she said
to herself;
`the March Hare will be much the most interesting,
and perhaps as this is May it won't be raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.'
As she said this,
she looked up,
and there was the Cat again,
sitting on a branch of a tree.
`Did you say pig,
or fig?'
said the Cat.
`I said pig,'
replied Alice;
`and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly:
you make one quite giddy.'
`All right,'
said the Cat;
and this time it vanished quite slowly,
beginning
with the end of the tail,
and ending
with the grin,
which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
`Well! I've often seen a cat without a grin,'
thought Alice;
`but a grin without a cat! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!'
She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the March Hare:
she thought it must be the right house,
because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched
with fur.
It was so large a house,
that she did not like
to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom,
and raised herself
to about two feet high:
even then she walked up towards it rather timidly,
saying
to herself `Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd gone
to see the Hatter instead!'
CHAPTER VII A Mad Tea-Party There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house,
and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it:
a Dormouse was sitting between them,
fast asleep,
and the other two were using it as a cushion,
resting their elbows on it,
and talking over its head.
`Very uncomfortable
for the Dormouse,'
thought Alice;
`only,
as it's asleep,
I suppose it doesn't mind.'
The table was a large one,
but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it:
`No room! No room!'
they cried out when they saw Alice coming.
`There's PLENTY of room!'
said Alice indignantly,
and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.
`Have some wine,'
the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
Alice looked all round the table,
but there was nothing on it but tea.
`I don't see any wine,'
she remarked.
`There isn't any,'
said the March Hare.
`Then it wasn't very civil of you
to offer it,'
said Alice angrily.
`It wasn't very civil of you
to sit down without being invited,'
said the March Hare.
`I didn't know it was YOUR table,'
said Alice;
`it's laid
for a great many more than three.'
`Your hair wants cutting,'
said the Hatter.
He had been looking at Alice
for some time
with great curiosity,
and this was his first speech.
`You should learn not
to make personal remarks,'
Alice said
with some severity;
`it's very rude.'
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this;
but all he SAID was,
`Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'
`Come,
we shall have some fun now!'
thought Alice.
`I'm glad they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,'
she added aloud.
`Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer
to it?'
said the March Hare.
`Exactly so,'
said Alice.
`Then you should say what you mean,'
the March Hare went on.
`I do,'
Alice hastily replied;
`at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing,
you know.'
`Not the same thing a bit!'
said the Hatter.
`You might just as well say that
"I see what I eat"
is the same thing as
"I eat what I see"!'
`You might just as well say,'
added the March Hare,
`that
"I like what I get"
is the same thing as
"I get what I like"!'
`You might just as well say,'
added the Dormouse,
who seemed
to be talking in his sleep,
`that
"I breathe when I sleep"
is the same thing as
"I sleep when I breathe"!'
`It IS the same thing
with you,'
said the Hatter,
and here the conversation dropped,
and the party sat silent
for a minute,
while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks,
which wasn't much.
The Hatter was the first
to break the silence.
`What day of the month is it?'
he said,
turning
to Alice:
he had taken his watch out of his pocket,
and was looking at it uneasily,
shaking it every now and then,
and holding it
to his ear.
Alice considered a little,
and then said `The fourth.'
`Two days wrong!'
sighed the Hatter.
`I told you butter wouldn't suit the works!'
he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
`It was the BEST butter,'
the March Hare meekly replied.
`Yes,
but some crumbs must have got in as well,'
the Hatter grumbled:
`you shouldn't have put it in
with the bread-knife.'
The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily:
then he dipped it into his cup of tea,
and looked at it again:
but he could think of nothing better
to say than his first remark,
`It was the BEST butter,
you know.'
Alice had been looking over his shoulder
with some curiosity.
`What a funny watch!'
she remarked.
`It tells the day of the month,
and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!'
`Why should it?'
muttered the Hatter.
`Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?'
`Of course not,'
Alice replied very readily:
`but that's because it stays the same year
for such a long time together.'
`Which is just the case
with MINE,'
said the Hatter.
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled.
The Hatter's remark seemed
to have no sort of meaning in it,
and yet it was certainly English.
`I don't quite understand you,'
she said,
as politely as she could.
`The Dormouse is asleep again,'
said the Hatter,
and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its head impatiently,
and said,
without opening its eyes,
`Of course,
of course;
just what I was going
to remark myself.'
`Have you guessed the riddle yet?'
the Hatter said,
turning
to Alice again.
`No,
I give it up,'
Alice replied:
`what's the answer?'
`I haven't the slightest idea,'
said the Hatter.
`Nor I,'
said the March Hare.
Alice sighed wearily.
`I think you might do something better
with the time,'
she said,
`than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'
`If you knew Time as well as I do,'
said the Hatter,
`you wouldn't talk about wasting IT.
It's HIM.'
`I don't know what you mean,'
said Alice.
`Of course you don't!'
the Hatter said,
tossing his head contemptuously.
`I dare say you never even spoke
to Time!'
`Perhaps not,'
Alice cautiously replied:
`but I know I have
to beat time when I learn music.'
`Ah! that accounts
for it,'
said the Hatter.
`He won't stand beating.
Now,
if you only kept on good terms
with him,
he'd do almost anything you liked
with the clock.
For instance,
suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning,
just time
to begin lessons:
you'd only have
to whisper a hint
to Time,
and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one,
time
for dinner!'
(`I only wish it was,'
the March Hare said
to itself in a whisper.)
`That would be grand,
certainly,'
said Alice thoughtfully:
`but then--I shouldn't be hungry
for it,
you know.'
`Not at first,
perhaps,'
said the Hatter:
`but you could keep it
to half-past one as long as you liked.'
`Is that the way YOU manage?'
Alice asked.
The Hatter shook his head mournfully.
`Not I!'
he replied.
`We quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad,
you know--'
(pointing
with his tea spoon at the March Hare,)
`--it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts,
and I had
to sing
"Twinkle,
twinkle,
little bat! How I wonder what you're at!"
You know the song,
perhaps?'
`I've heard something like it,'
said Alice.
`It goes on,
you know,'
the Hatter continued,
`in this way:--
"Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle,
twinkle--"'
Here the Dormouse shook itself,
and began singing in its sleep `Twinkle,
twinkle,
twinkle,
twinkle--'
and went on so long that they had
to pinch it
to make it stop.
`Well,
I'd hardly finished the first verse,'
said the Hatter,
`when the Queen jumped up and bawled out,
"He's murdering the time! Off
with his head!"
'
`How dreadfully savage!'
exclaimed Alice.
`And ever since that,'
the Hatter went on in a mournful tone,
`he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'
A bright idea came into Alice's head.
`Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?'
she asked.
`Yes,
that's it,'
said the Hatter
with a sigh:
`it's always tea-time,
and we've no time
to wash the things between whiles.'
`Then you keep moving round,
I suppose?'
said Alice.
`Exactly so,'
said the Hatter:
`as the things get used up.'
`But what happens when you come
to the beginning again?'
Alice ventured
to ask.
`Suppose we change the subject,'
the March Hare interrupted,
yawning.
`I'm getting tired of this.
I vote the young lady tells us a story.'
`I'm afraid I don't know one,'
said Alice,
rather alarmed at the proposal.
`Then the Dormouse shall!'
they both cried.
`Wake up,
Dormouse!'
And they pinched it on both sides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes.
`I wasn't asleep,'
he said in a hoarse,
feeble voice:
`I heard every word you fellows were saying.'
`Tell us a story!'
said the March Hare.
`Yes,
please do!'
pleaded Alice.
`And be quick about it,'
added the Hatter,
`or you'll be asleep again before it's done.'
`Once upon a time there were three little sisters,'
the Dormouse began in a great hurry;
`and their names were Elsie,
Lacie,
and Tillie;
and they lived at the bottom of a well--'
`What did they live on?'
said Alice,
who always took a great interest in questions of eating and drinking.
`They lived on treacle,'
said the Dormouse,
after thinking a minute or two.
`They couldn't have done that,
you know,'
Alice gently remarked;
`they'd have been ill.'
`So they were,'
said the Dormouse;
`VERY ill.'
Alice tried
to fancy
to herself what such an extraordinary ways of living would be like,
but it puzzled her too much,
so she went on:
`But why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
`Take some more tea,'
the March Hare said
to Alice,
very earnestly.
`I've had nothing yet,'
Alice replied in an offended tone,
`so I can't take more.'
`You mean you can't take LESS,'
said the Hatter:
`it's very easy
to take MORE than nothing.'
`Nobody asked YOUR opinion,'
said Alice.
`Who's making personal remarks now?'
the Hatter asked triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know what
to say
to this:
so she helped herself
to some tea and bread-and-butter,
and then turned
to the Dormouse,
and repeated her question.
`Why did they live at the bottom of a well?'
The Dormouse again took a minute or two
to think about it,
and then said,
`It was a treacle-well.'
`There's no such thing!'
Alice was beginning very angrily,
but the Hatter and the March Hare went `Sh! sh!'
and the Dormouse sulkily remarked,
`If you can't be civil,
you'd better finish the story
for yourself.'
`No,
please go on!'
Alice said very humbly;
`I won't interrupt again.
I dare say there may be ONE.'
`One,
indeed!'
said the Dormouse indignantly.
However,
he consented
to go on.
`And so these three little sisters--they were learning
to draw,
you know--'
`What did they draw?'
said Alice,
quite forgetting her promise.
`Treacle,'
said the Dormouse,
without considering at all this time.
`I want a clean cup,'
interrupted the Hatter:
`let's all move one place on.'
He moved on as he spoke,
and the Dormouse followed him:
the March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place,
and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the March Hare.
The Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the change:
and Alice was a good deal worse off than before,
as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate.
Alice did not wish
to offend the Dormouse again,
so she began very cautiously:
`But I don't understand.
Where did they draw the treacle from?'
`You can draw water out of a water-well,'
said the Hatter;
`so I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh,
stupid?'
`But they were IN the well,'
Alice said
to the Dormouse,
not choosing
to notice this last remark.
`Of course they were',
said the Dormouse;
`--well in.'
This answer so confused poor Alice,
that she let the Dormouse go on
for some time without interrupting it.
`They were learning
to draw,'
the Dormouse went on,
yawning and rubbing its eyes,
for it was getting very sleepy;
`and they drew all manner of things--everything that begins
with an M--'
`Why
with an M?'
said Alice.
`Why not?'
said the March Hare.
Alice was silent.
The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time,
and was going off into a doze;
but,
on being pinched by the Hatter,
it woke up again
with a little shriek,
and went on:
`--that begins
with an M,
such as mouse-traps,
and the moon,
and memory,
and muchness-- you know you say things are
"much of a muchness"--did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'
`Really,
now you ask me,'
said Alice,
very much confused,
`I don't think--'
`Then you shouldn't talk,'
said the Hatter.
This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear:
she got up in great disgust,
and walked off;
the Dormouse fell asleep instantly,
and neither of the others took the least notice of her going,
though she looked back once or twice,
half hoping that they would call after her:
the last time she saw them,
they were trying
to put the Dormouse into the teapot.
`At any rate I'll never go THERE again!'
said Alice as she picked her way through the wood.
`It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'
Just as she said this,
she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right into it.
`That's very curious!'
she thought.
`But everything's curious today.
I think I may as well go in at once.'
And in she went.
Once more she found herself in the long hall,
and close
to the little glass table.
`Now,
I'll manage better this time,'
she said
to herself,
and began by taking the little golden key,
and unlocking the door that led into the garden.
Then she went
to work nibbling at the mushroom
(she had kept a piece of it in her pocket)
till she was about a foot high:
then she walked down the little passage:
and THEN--she found herself at last in the beautiful garden,
among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.
CHAPTER VIII The Queen's Croquet-Ground A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden:
the roses growing on it were white,
but there were three gardeners at it,
busily painting them red.
Alice thought this a very curious thing,
and she went nearer
to watch them,
and just as she came up
to them she heard one of them say,
`Look out now,
Five! Don't go splashing paint over me like that!'
`I couldn't help it,'
said Five,
in a sulky tone;
`Seven jogged my elbow.'
On which Seven looked up and said,
`That's right,
Five! Always lay the blame on others!'
`YOU'D better not talk!'
said Five.
`I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved
to be beheaded!'
`What for?'
said the one who had spoken first.
`That's none of YOUR business,
Two!'
said Seven.
`Yes,
it IS his business!'
said Five,
`and I'll tell him--it was
for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'
Seven flung down his brush,
and had just begun `Well,
of all the unjust things--'
when his eye chanced
to fall upon Alice,
as she stood watching them,
and he checked himself suddenly:
the others looked round also,
and all of them bowed low.
`Would you tell me,'
said Alice,
a little timidly,
`why you are painting those roses?'
Five and Seven said nothing,
but looked at Two.
Two began in a low voice,
`Why the fact is,
you see,
Miss,
this here ought
to have been a RED rose-tree,
and we put a white one in by mistake;
and if the Queen was
to find it out,
we should all have our heads cut off,
you know.
So you see,
Miss,
we're doing our best,
afore she comes,
to--'
At this moment Five,
who had been anxiously looking across the garden,
called out `The Queen! The Queen!'
and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces.
There was a sound of many footsteps,
and Alice looked round,
eager
to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers carrying clubs;
these were all shaped like the three gardeners,
oblong and flat,
with their hands and feet at the corners:
next the ten courtiers;
these were ornamented all over
with diamonds,
and walked two and two,
as the soldiers did.
After these came the royal children;
there were ten of them,
and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand,
in couples:
they were all ornamented
with hearts.
Next came the guests,
mostly Kings and Queens,
and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit:
it was talking in a hurried nervous manner,
smiling at everything that was said,
and went by without noticing her.
Then followed the Knave of Hearts,
carrying the King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion;
and,
last of all this grand procession,
came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not
to lie down on her face like the three gardeners,
but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions;
`and besides,
what would be the use of a procession,'
thought she,
`if people had all
to lie down upon their faces,
so that they couldn't see it?'
So she stood still where she was,
and waited.
When the procession came opposite
to Alice,
they all stopped and looked at her,
and the Queen said severely `Who is this?'
She said it
to the Knave of Hearts,
who only bowed and smiled in reply.
`Idiot!'
said the Queen,
tossing her head impatiently;
and,
turning
to Alice,
she went on,
`What's your name,
child?'
`My name is Alice,
so please your Majesty,'
said Alice very politely;
but she added,
to herself,
`Why,
they're only a pack of cards,
after all.
I needn't be afraid of them!'
`And who are THESE?'
said the Queen,
pointing
to the three gardeners who were lying round the rosetree;
for,
you see,
as they were lying on their faces,
and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack,
she could not tell whether they were gardeners,
or soldiers,
or courtiers,
or three of her own children.
`How should I know?'
said Alice,
surprised at her own courage.
`It's no business of MINE.'
The Queen turned crimson
with fury,
and,
after glaring at her
for a moment like a wild beast,
screamed `Off
with her head! Off--'
`Nonsense!'
said Alice,
very loudly and decidedly,
and the Queen was silent.
The King laid his hand upon her arm,
and timidly said `Consider,
my dear:
she is only a child!'
The Queen turned angrily away from him,
and said
to the Knave `Turn them over!'
The Knave did so,
very carefully,
with one foot.
`Get up!'
said the Queen,
in a shrill,
loud voice,
and the three gardeners instantly jumped up,
and began bowing
to the King,
the Queen,
the royal children,
and everybody else.
`Leave off that!'
screamed the Queen.
`You make me giddy.'
And then,
turning
to the rose-tree,
she went on,
`What HAVE you been doing here?'
`May it please your Majesty,'
said Two,
in a very humble tone,
going down on one knee as he spoke,
`we were trying--'
`I see!'
said the Queen,
who had meanwhile been examining the roses.
`Off
with their heads!'
and the procession moved on,
three of the soldiers remaining behind
to execute the unfortunate gardeners,
who ran
to Alice
for protection.
`You shan't be beheaded!'
said Alice,
and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near.
The three soldiers wandered about
for a minute or two,
looking
for them,
and then quietly marched off after the others.
`Are their heads off?'
shouted the Queen.
`Their heads are gone,
if it please your Majesty!'
the soldiers shouted in reply.
`That's right!'
shouted the Queen.
`Can you play croquet?'
The soldiers were silent,
and looked at Alice,
as the question was evidently meant
for her.
`Yes!'
shouted Alice.
`Come on,
then!'
roared the Queen,
and Alice joined the procession,
wondering very much what would happen next.
`It's--it's a very fine day!'
said a timid voice at her side.
She was walking by the White Rabbit,
who was peeping anxiously into her face.
`Very,'
said Alice:
`--where's the Duchess?'
`Hush! Hush!'
said the Rabbit in a low,
hurried tone.
He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke,
and then raised himself upon tiptoe,
put his mouth close
to her ear,
and whispered `She's under sentence of execution.'
`What for?'
said Alice.
`Did you say
"What a pity!"
?'
the Rabbit asked.
`No,
I didn't,'
said Alice:
`I don't think it's at all a pity.
I said
"What for?"
'
`She boxed the Queen's ears--'
the Rabbit began.
Alice gave a little scream of laughter.
`Oh,
hush!'
the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone.
`The Queen will hear you! You see,
she came rather late,
and the Queen said--'
`Get
to your places!'
shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder,
and people began running about in all directions,
tumbling up against each other;
however,
they got settled down in a minute or two,
and the game began.
Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life;
it was all ridges and furrows;
the balls were live hedgehogs,
the mallets live flamingoes,
and the soldiers had
to double themselves up and
to stand on their hands and feet,
to make the arches.
The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:
she succeeded in getting its body tucked away,
comfortably enough,
under her arm,
with its legs hanging down,
but generally,
just as she had got its neck nicely straightened out,
and was going
to give the hedgehog a blow
with its head,
it WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face,
with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing:
and when she had got its head down,
and was going
to begin again,
it was very provoking
to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself,
and was in the act of crawling away:
besides all this,
there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted
to send the hedgehog to,
and,
as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off
to other parts of the ground,
Alice soon came
to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.
The players all played at once without waiting
for turns,
quarrelling all the while,
and fighting
for the hedgehogs;
and in a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion,
and went stamping about,
and shouting `Off
with his head!'
or `Off
with her head!'
about once in a minute.
Alice began
to feel very uneasy:
to be sure,
she had not as yet had any dispute
with the Queen,
but she knew that it might happen any minute,
`and then,'
thought she,
`what would become of me?
They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here;
the great wonder is,
that there's any one left alive!'
She was looking about
for some way of escape,
and wondering whether she could get away without being seen,
when she noticed a curious appearance in the air:
it puzzled her very much at first,
but,
after watching it a minute or two,
she made it out
to be a grin,
and she said
to herself `It's the Cheshire Cat:
now I shall have somebody
to talk to.'
`How are you getting on?'
said the Cat,
as soon as there was mouth enough
for it
to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes appeared,
and then nodded.
`It's no use speaking
to it,'
she thought,
`till its ears have come,
or at least one of them.'
In another minute the whole head appeared,
and then Alice put down her flamingo,
and began an account of the game,
feeling very glad she had someone
to listen
to her.
The Cat seemed
to think that there was enough of it now in sight,
and no more of it appeared.
`I don't think they play at all fairly,'
Alice began,
in rather a complaining tone,
`and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak--and they don't seem
to have any rules in particular;
at least,
if there are,
nobody attends
to them--and you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive;
for instance,
there's the arch I've got
to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now,
only it ran away when it saw mine coming!'
`How do you like the Queen?'
said the Cat in a low voice.
`Not at all,'
said Alice:
`she's so extremely--'
Just then she noticed that the Queen was close behind her,
listening:
so she went on,
`--likely
to win,
that it's hardly worth while finishing the game.'
The Queen smiled and passed on.
`Who ARE you talking to?'
said the King,
going up
to Alice,
and looking at the Cat's head
with great curiosity.
`It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,'
said Alice:
`allow me
to introduce it.'
`I don't like the look of it at all,'
said the King:
`however,
it may kiss my hand if it likes.'
`I'd rather not,'
the Cat remarked.
`Don't be impertinent,'
said the King,
`and don't look at me like that!'
He got behind Alice as he spoke.
`A cat may look at a king,'
said Alice.
`I've read that in some book,
but I don't remember where.'
`Well,
it must be removed,'
said the King very decidedly,
and he called the Queen,
who was passing at the moment,
`My dear! I wish you would have this cat removed!'
The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties,
great or small.
`Off
with his head!'
she said,
without even looking round.
`I'll fetch the executioner myself,'
said the King eagerly,
and he hurried off.
Alice thought she might as well go back,
and see how the game was going on,
as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance,
screaming
with passion.
She had already heard her sentence three of the players
to be executed
for having missed their turns,
and she did not like the look of things at all,
as the game was in such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or not.
So she went in search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged in a fight
with another hedgehog,
which seemed
to Alice an excellent opportunity
for croqueting one of them
with the other:
the only difficulty was,
that her flamingo was gone across
to the other side of the garden,
where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way
to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back,
the fight was over,
and both the hedgehogs were out of sight:
`but it doesn't matter much,'
thought Alice,
`as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground.'
So she tucked it away under her arm,
that it might not escape again,
and went back
for a little more conversation
with her friend.
When she got back
to the Cheshire Cat,
she was surprised
to find quite a large crowd collected round it:
there was a dispute going on between the executioner,
the King,
and the Queen,
who were all talking at once,
while all the rest were quite silent,
and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared,
she was appealed
to by all three
to settle the question,
and they repeated their arguments
to her,
though,
as they all spoke at once,
she found it very hard indeed
to make out exactly what they said.
The executioner's argument was,
that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body
to cut it off from:
that he had never had
to do such a thing before,
and he wasn't going
to begin at HIS time of life.
The King's argument was,
that anything that had a head could be beheaded,
and that you weren't
to talk nonsense.
The Queen's argument was,
that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed,
all round.
(It was